Mail Order Mechanic
by AtypicalKai
Summary: Nono's 50th Anniversary Ball is to be held in the Varia's ballroom in one week's time. The problem? It's trashed, abandoned, and in no condition to host. Not to mention Xanxus isn't exactly estatic about the affair. The Varia's only choice is to get assistance from the best mechanic in the game, Spanner! With a bit of telephone advice from Tsuna. No pairings. Enjoy!
1. Assignments

_RE(Revised Edition)- Long time no update! Revisions are now in progress. I've been brooding over deleting the intros and outros. Just to try toning it down a bit. Lemme know your thoughts through review or PM. Maybe I should just delete some of the stuff pertaining to the chapters. Not sure._

'Ello! HSB here kickin' the summer off with a new story! I mainly wrote this story because I was thinkin' about some of my favorite characters who don't get enough love. Automatically I thought SPANNER! He has the potential to be a hilarious persona, but not many people have taken this chance so I'm like 'why not do it myself?' Otherwise, I hope I do his character justice. Oh! Real quick, with exams and vacation I didn't have enough time to upload some of my stories that were already finished (more like in development), so this story came about while I was waiting for a taxi in Atlanta.

Disclaimer: Someone needs to make a meme for disclaimers! Something like 'I don't own it I swear' with somebody at gunpoint. I don't know but IT NEEDS TO BE DONE! I don't own any of these characters all rights to Amano Akira..yada..yada..yada.

For the mechanics!

* * *

**Assignments**

Spanner strolled down the halls of the Vongola estate.

It was Tuesday, assignment day. So as per typical most everyone on duty would be collecting an envelope from one of the guardians in which would contain their duties for the next week, month, year, etc. Most jobs were stationary. For example once Spanner was assigned to be a temporary tech man for the Ninth, and for the three months he remained in Italy his job was simply to do whatever the elder man requested.

The whole process tended to be over-exaggerated. You go to the mail room, you read your briefing, you go about your life. Simple. But most of the staff there at Japan's Vongola Base dedicated their entire day to preparing or more likely chatting about their new station.

Being the head mechanic, he headed towards the Vongola Decimo's office to receive his own. He hoped to make it quick before the guardians stormed into the room and spread chaos. Spanner knocked on the giant oak doors leading inside the office.

"Ah! Come in."

He entered the large office to greet a mountainous stack of papers.

"Good morning, young Vongola." He waved.

Sawada Tsunayoshi rolled out from behind his work and smiled. "Morning Spanner," he scratched his unruly mop of hair "I guess you're here for your assignment, eh."

Spanner gave a less than enthusiastic thumbs up. Tsuna nodded before he spun his lavish leather chair back into the mass of files behind his desk.

Spanner remembered the brief time he spent with the teenage Tsuna. The change in maturity was somewhat drastic when he considered it. He just seemed more put together and a lot more rational in his thinking; sort of like in Hyper Dying Will Mode twenty four/seven.

Really it was proof enough judging from the fact that the four foot pile of papers hadn't come crashing down…yet.

"Spanner…Spanner…" The young boss mumbled as he rifled through one of the smaller stacks of paper labeled 'Assignments' with a sticky note. After a few moments, he completed his search.

"Aha! Spanner, you are to be stationed at – HIIIEEE!" Spanner internally chuckled. He guessed some things never change.

"I-I'm sorry Spanner but…" He shoved the file into the hands of a startled Spanner. Then he turned and – professionally – power walked from the room. At least he kept his head held high now.

Spanner examined the folder responsible. It was the typical manila organizer he usually got with his name on a plain sticker at the top, but something was different. He flipped it open to the first page and his eyes immediately widened as he noticed the division seal.

"Varia…"

He hadn't had much experience with the Varia, but he knew the basics. Tsuna and the guardians fought them ten years ago and won. To be honest, he initially assumed they were weak which is far from the truth. Though they lost, the assassination squad proved to be virtually on par with the Tenth generation family.

Spanner didn't have the privilege of being present at the Ring Battles, so he has no firsthand experience. But after getting word that they defeated an entire White Spell division and a funeral wreath (though mock) there was little doubt. Also, Decimo's less than manly exit added considerable effect.

_Hm, _Spanner replenished the lollipop in his mouth as a determined expression set onto his face, _with my dying will, I will save all my belongings from whatever fate awaits me during my first Varia experience. Now first…_

Spanner circled around to the other side of Tsuna's massive desk in search of a notepad and writing utensil. He probably wasn't supposed to be back there with all that classification jazz, but he doubted his boss would leave anything of importance out in the open. So Spanner shuffled through a couple items.

How right he was… Spanner shook his head in amusement. The first three things to spot on the desk were an 'Italian For Dummies' book, first aid kit, and a class photo from high school. He noted especially that Kyoko Sasagawa was circled several times in permanent red marker. Even after ten years, the man still couldn't find it in him to confess.

Knowing Tsuna, it wasn't difficult to assess the uses for all these items. Obviously Reborn feels that Tsuna's Italian could use a bit of work (maybe that was an understatement) and he doesn't doubt he bought Tsuna the book for exactly that purpose. Then instead of doing his work Tsuna likely keeps the not so inconspicuous photo of Kyoko on his desk to keep him company

And of course, because Reborn notices everything Tsuna does wrong, the Decimo is equipped with post-defeat bandages. The one smart decision, really.

A shame, but Spanner still had a mission to fulfill. After scrabbling through a few drawers he gathered a sticky note and a fancy fountain pen. He stopped to think for but a moment before writing down a note and addressing it 'To Decimo.'

He looked over it a few times before taking his information folder and leaving the room. But seconds later he hurried back in.

"Almost forgot."

He returned to his note and scratched down one more request before smiling in satisfaction.

**_O_**

Sawada Tsunayoshi returned later that day decorated in bumps and bruises graciously provided by his tutor. He plopped into his chair, prepared to dress his wounds but spotted a bright yellow sticky note atop the bandage container. Seeing it addressed to him, he cautiously brought the message up to eye level.

**TO DECIMO,**

**DYING WILL: I LEAVE ALL MY BELONGINGS TO MINI-MOSCA. **

**-SPANNER**

Tsuna dragged his hand down his face in exasperation. No matter how intelligent you are, nothing can replace good old common sense. Under 'Mini-Mosca' he saw another hurried jumble of words. He turned on the desk lamp to have a better look.

**And Shoichi.**

Tsuna dropped his head onto the desk, effectively knocking himself out cold for the remainder of the day.

**_O_**

After finishing his literal depiction of a 'dying will', Spanner went off in search of an informant. He didn't know much about the Varia personality-wise, so more information could prove very convenient.

Unfortunately, people seemed to notice the Varia's aura seeping from the folder and steered clear. He wasn't a social butterfly like Yamamoto so co-workers didn't flock to him anyways, but this was just ridiculous. One of the more sprightly underlings approached him in high-five position.

"Hey Spanner, how's a goin'?"

Spanner took his opportunity to inquire. "Ah, hello Vince, do you know anything about the-"

"Whoooa, is that the…" Vincent steps towards to further examine the folder his superior holds.

A quick glance later, his face had turned into a white sheet and he strode past the head mechanic like he wasn't there in the first place.

It was like that with pretty much every person he came by. Once they caught sight of the Varia emblem, they avoided him like the plague. From the guardians to the janitors he supposed it was a known taboo to steer clear of association with the Varia in all ways possible, even indirectly.

Following a decidedly less than pleasant run-in with Gokudera, Spanner stopped to wonder how bad the group of assassins could possibly be if their name alone had such a strong effect on people.

_**O**_

Like most individuals, Spanner is affected by the life-wasting habit of procrastination in which a three minute chore may quickly escalate into a five day project.

So following a day filled with computer gaming, Spanner found himself sitting on his flight _to Italy_ with the unopened assignment in his lap. Perhaps it was the dread. Maybe he wanted a surprise. Most likely he was subconsciously mentally preparing. Whatever the reason, in the twenty-four hours provided to pack and organize his things for the trip, it never occurred to Spanner that he should actually read about his assignment.

For all he knew they didn't know how to change a light bulb and requested professional services.

He quickly popped in a fresh strawberry lollipop before delicately placing the file on the folding tray in front of him. He took a deep breath and flipped the file open and past the emblem page.

He cautiously leaned forward to survey the single sheet of paper. It was horrifyingly feminine. The sheer amount of hearts and squiggly doodles was quite adequate in provoking physical pain. It caused him to call into question how a self-respecting assassin obtained hot pink paper…with border doilies.

The actual message was very short, in contrast.

**Dear Darlings~, **

**It's so wonderful to get to write to you, Spanner-san~! Grumpy Squ-chan has been making us work all~ day in preparation for the ball. I think I'm going to wear my bedazzled hot pink jumpsuit. Oh, if only I could get everyone else's measurements! We could all match~! I was thinking red for Boss. Maybe an aquamarine for Squalo, or maybe a silver to bring out his eyes. Definitely lavender for Bel-chan. But I'm stuck between green and teal for little Fran-chan. Ooh~, I should bedazzle his hat too! Whoops. Back to the point, the ball! I can't wait for next week. I hope I get to dance with Ryohei~! But first, we need to finish decorating. That's why we need you Spanner-san! The ballroom is so hideously out of date and in need of some fabulous updates. We can't wait to meet you~! Ciao! **

**-Big Sis Luss ;D  
**

After reading the letter, he took a deep breath. Okay…Okay…Okay. Spanner shook some coherence into his brain. He was not expecting that in the least. It wasn't sinister or threatening or anything like how he remembered his brief encounters with Squalo were. Either way, he had no choice in how things would go down, so he might as well tough it out.

He slid the paper back into the folder and took out his headphones. Quickly switching to his favorite track, he sunk back into the first-class armchair; closing his eyes in relaxation. He would likely need as much peace as possible before meeting his new…associates.

_~And I think to myself…_

_What a wonderful world~_

* * *

Ah, you gotta love Louis Armstrong.

It seemed like a song that Spanner would listen to. You know, more of a blue's fella!

Anyways, thanks for reading this, if you want more from moi in the meantime check out the finale of An Unexpected Visitor.

Don't forget to drop a review on your way out!

This is HSB typing out~!


	2. Greetings, Earthling

_RE: Yep, decided to take out the ANs out of the revised chappies. _

e_e Enjoy the chapter…

* * *

**Greetings, Earthling**

[Don't ask Squalo a question unless it's absolutely necessary. And if that does happen, please take care to put some earplugs in beforehand. Understand? ]

"Yeah, I understand." Spanner lazily replied to his boss' ramblings. His main focus was on the powdered jelly donut in his hand. When he first arrived in Japan, it came as a great disappointment that they didn't serve this particular cuisine. So he took it upon himself to relish in one of his childhood delicacies upon returning. Chomp. He was currently in a limousine headed to Varia HQ. The Italian countryside was quite a view, beautiful really. All was peaceful until, midway through his ride, his young boss called offering some 'last minute advice'.

[And under no circumstancemust you let Belphegor touch you. Though the same may apply to Lussuria…and Levi…ah, just don't let any of them touch you.]

Spanner's gaze wandered from the passing countryside to his precious jelly donut. He licked his lips. Chomp. "I appreciate your concern Vongola, but is this all really necessary?" He noticed a glop of jelly sagging from edge of his treat. He quickly slurped it into safety.

[Bathe twice a day to avoid any diseases. And stay away from Xanxus' office, at all costs.]

"Sorry, I am under the impression he owns the mansion."

[Well, yes, but most of the instructions are given by the second in command, Squalo. But if under some tragedy you are told to enter his office, slide a whiskey bottle under the door and leave. I repeat, do not enter the office, just slide whiskey under the door.]

"I'm fairly sure a whiskey bottle wouldn't be able to fit under a door," he muttered. Chomp. He really missed these little sugar coated carbohydrates. Ooh, note to self, pack extra before returning to Namimori.

Unaware of his listener's complete disregard, the Mafia boss kept up with his safety monologue until Spanner stepped onto the U driveway in front of the mansion.

[If they offer you any mysterious substances, just say no.]

"Ah, I'm so sorry to cut you off young Vongola, but I seem to have arrived." He sucked each of his fingers clean of remaining powder. He turned his attention to the grand entrance. Not a surprising site really. The brick mansion had sort of an ominous look going on, but overall quite classy. Ten points to the Varia.

[Eek! Be careful! Remember what I taught you, bob and weave, bob and weave!]

"Of course, of course. I wouldn't dream of forgetting your…advice. Ciao." Click!

Spanner turned towards the back of the limo where he was to collect his luggage. There he met the driver who hurriedly pulled his suitcase and toolbox out of the trunk.

"Good evening, sir." Spanner gave him a friendly smile.

The driver – who had been working for the Varia for far too long – looked upwards at the huge mansion. He gulped.

Looking back at Spanner he shook his head and said, "Psycho."

Surprised, the young mechanic looked at the man with amused eyes.

"Pardon?" He raised an eyebrow.

After shakily thrusting the bags into the other's hands, the unnamed driver sprinted back to the wheel where he took off at breakneck speed effectively causing the trunk to slam shut as he finished the U.

Spanner stood in shock for a good couple seconds. But only a couple, he shrugged it off and continued his journey up the steps to the door. He recalls Byakuran's servants having done much weirder things.

He dusted imaginary dirt from his jumpsuit and touched up his hair curl. Spanner was ready for his very first encounter with the Varia. First impressions weren't really his forte, but it was always worth a try.

Knock. Knock. Knock. He observed the liger doorknocker with great interest.

He heard on the other side of the mahogany doors and leaned forward enough to hear a muffled voice say, "Bel-sempai this is stupid."

"Just do it frog." _Another voice…?_

The door opened to reveal…an alien? He wasn't really sure, the massive frog combined with the green face kinda screamed not human.

"Greetings, Earthling."

Well, if that wasn't confirmation, then he didn't know what was. Still, Spanner decided to take a closer look before calling his buddies back at the U.M.A. Research Club. It was around human height, maybe teenage? It had all the features of a normal human, though the frog on its head threw the look off. Maybe it would be a good idea to send a picture back to his colleagues. He whipped out his phone and snapped a photograph of the unknown creature. The quality was satisfactory so he went about his normal greeting.

"Hello, I'm Spanner. What are you?" According to parents and teachers alike, Spanner was a strange child because he lacked the ability to read the atmosphere. This information may have been useful in preventing occurrences such as this one from happening.

The 'unidentified life form' intently stared at the odd man.

"Bel-sempaaaiii, we got a wild one."

The previous voice reintroduced itself from inside. "Ushishi~, Let him inside, frog."

The frog adolescent stepped aside, allowing the mechanic to enter.

What he saw upon entrance was a grand opening hall. To his right, there was a grand semi spiral staircase against the wall complete with a rich red velvet carpet running down the center. It gave the room an overall Renaissance feel. To the left of the staircase, a large entryway opened into a comfortable living room.

Inside, Spanner spotted a man he recognized, last seen on a picture depicting the very same image, with an Arcobaleno on his shoulder.

A light went off in Spanner's head. "I'm presuming you are Belphegor."

A blade whizzed dangerously close to his face.

"Ushishi~ It's Prince Belphegor to you."

The cloaked infant spoke, "Correct, are you supposed to be the mechanic?"

Spanner smiled back lazily. "Yup. I got a letter saying – "

"Ooh~ is the mechanic here~?" A flirtatious voice sounded from a small ways off.

Mammon – as he recalled – eerily turned his head back from the direction of the voice, "Run if you know what's good for you."

Hurried stomps made their way towards him. The mechanic warily looked towards the direction of the voice. He swallowed, "Excuse me?"

Heavy footsteps approached closer to one of the doorways.

The mysterious frog from the entrance popped up alongside Spanner. "Ooh, you're too late." He shook his head and turned his head away from Spanner pityingly.

The mechanic snapped his attention back to the doorway. One black leather boot at a time came in the most terrifying, the most horrifying, the most downright chilling villain to ever grace the seven continents with his iridescent boa. The metrosexual ruffian, Lussuria!

Okay, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic.

A tall man donning a black trench coat pranced through the doorway. Upon seeing Spanner, he leapt up and down much like a fangirl. A nervous smile worked its way upon Spanner's face. Lussuria bounded forward, "Helloo~ I am Lussuria. And you?" He draped himself over the mechanic's shoulders as he replied. "Ooh~ such a wonderful name!" He giggled.

The other occupants of the room looked on with disinterest. Ever free spoken, Fran voiced his complaints, "Groooooss."

Lussuria led Spanner back to the doorway from which he had arrived. Bel and Fran decided to tag along also. The door entered into a series of long hallways. "Sooo…we're going to the ballroom?" asked Spanner.

"Yes! Oh, you'll love it. I remember there was a ball for Nono's 30th anniversary twenty or so years ago and it was just…amazing. The entire room simply sparkled. Woman wore their best ball gowns and the men dressed to impress. I donned the most fabulous leather ensemble by the way. Then again that's not the point. I bet you couldn't find one person without a smile on their face. Even Boss enjoyed it." Lussuria now had his companions' full attention. "It was a room of pure elegance. From the gold drapes to the marble flooring, not a room in Italy even compared. But the best part was a floor to ceiling fountain, right in the center. I don't know how they did it, but even the water held a glistening gold." He smiled sadly. "I'd give anything just to have one more dance around that fountain. Anyways, that's impossible now."

Spanner turned to him confused. "What do you mean?"

"Ohh, the foundation collapsed after years of neglect. It had to be cleared away or else the ceiling would cave. The anniversary was its last ball," said Lussuria.

"Wow… That's a shame. I bet it was beautiful." Spanner frowned.

Lussuria replied wistfully, "It sure was."

"Hey no fair, I wasn't even born yet," said Fran.

Bel grinned. "Good. You would've ruined the picture with your frog face anyways. Ushishi~"

Lussuria interrupted the brewing quarrel, "This way." The hallway to their left led to a grand set of double doors. Lussuria approached the door and pulled a rusty key from his pocket. He attempted to unlock them, but to no avail. Spanner judged the lock to be jammed. There was no way they were getting in from this entrance. Spanner looked around them. He began to ask Lussuria if there was a back door when he heard a loud crunch. Lussuria put his leg down and approached the door a second time. This time the doors opened without any hitch. Or lock for that matter.

Lussuria ushered the trio into the ball room. When he entered Spanner's face fell. The space must have been really beautiful. But that was decades ago. Now the state of abandonment made his heart clench. Spanner stepped further into the room. Drapes lay torn on the floor along with numerous broken vases. The windows were caked with so much dirt they were barely transparent. Dozens of cloth covered tables were scattered across the room. Spanner noticed that the small stage in the back of the room housed the silhouette of a grand piano. He looked to the rafters and swore he saw a raccoon shuffle out of view.

"Soooo, what do you guys think?" Lussuria turned to them excitedly.

"Ew." Bel said. He shivered in disgust.

"Yeah, it smells like death…and death." Fran added.

Lussuria pouted and looked to Spanner.

"Well," Spanner strolled under the fountain's demolition marks, "it's definitely a fixer-upper."

At his assessment Lussuria leaped into the air and clapped hands. "This is great! So you can fix it up? Make it like new?"

Spanner turned to Lussuria surprised. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I never said that."

"But you said it was a 'fixer-upper', correct?" Lussuria asked.

"Yes, but – "

"And you are a world class mechanic, right?" Lussuria questioned which felt more like interrogating.

"Yeah, but the fountain – "

"Then it's settled. As the mechanic you will do your job and restore the ballroom to its previous glory." Lussuria smiled.

"But – "

"We wouldn't want to report a problem to Boss so soon in your arrival, now would we?" Lussuria's smile turned decisively dark.

Spanner surrendered. "No."

"Fabulous~! You have one week starting tomorrow." And with that, Lussuria bounced out of the room, beaming grin back in place.

"Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu," Spanner was left in a sputtering mess as he tried to make sense of what just transpired.

Lussuria's head popped back in once more, "Oh and Bel and Fran, dear? Please show our guest to his room."

"Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu –"

"Bu-Bu-Bu-Bu – "

"Have a nice day dearies." Again, Lussuria disappeared.

The three remained unmoving and stared at the doors. The silence was absolute as they stood in shock. Did Lussuria just order a professional mechanic, a prince, and the third best illusionist in the world to do chores?

Bel stood in horror as he realizes this is true.

"Well," Spanner ended the silence first. "I see he's quite the manipulator."

Fran shook his head. "It's always the nice ones."

"And the old ladies," Bel added shaking his head.

Spanner and Fran turned to gawk at Bel.

He notices the piercing stares. "What?"

_**O**_

Spanner gazed at the garden from his new bedroom. His new lodgings were above par complete with a queen sized bed, a flat screen TV, and a wall of floor to ceiling windows. Thankfully he could close the curtains when it came time to change into his pajamas.

Fran and Bel were somewhat unwilling to go through the trouble of finding his room, but it worked out in the end. Bel left and Fran had him follow him to the Varia's rooming wing. The hallway directly across was the guest room wing. A servant already dropped his luggage off at his room.

The sunset was a tranquil sight. However it didn't distract him from the pressures of his new project. He could not possibly sum up the mess he was in. So he did what he did best. He put it off.

The jet lag from his flight was catching up so he decided to turn in early for once. He settled onto the bed and reached to turn off the side lamp. He hesitated as his hand hovered over his phone. Tsuna requested that he call him once he was settled to let him know how he was doing.

Well as a recap, he met four out of the seven members, was almost killed by one, was almost mentally scarred by another, got assigned an impossible job, and forgot to get something to eat before coming to his room. Hm yes, it was probably best that he didn't inform Tsuna of his situation quite yet. It can wait till morning like the rest of his responsibilities because for now he was wearing nightcap and ready for a peaceful night of rest.

* * *

_Haha, turns out I changed tense halfway through the chapter. Nonetheless, all's fair in love and war. That did not relate at all to anything! :D _

_Still not really liking the style, but hopefully that will change because beginning after this chapter the content is fresh out the oven!_


	3. Meeting the Varians

_RE: Okaay~! Fresh content is now out the oven! After this chapter the notice is going down and when I post it will be visible for both new and old audience once again. Since, you know, nobody sees these. Just like old times!_

* * *

**Meeting the Varians**

Poke.

Poke. "Mm…" Spanner nestled deeper into the toasty comforters, promptly ignoring whatever had attempted to rouse him from his rest. Poke. He again shook off the feeling invading his velvety slumber. Poke. "Hmm, stop Sho~ I'm sleepy." He giggled. That's funny; he thought Shoichi moved out last month. Poke. He crinkled his brow. Wait a minute…Sho did move out a month ago, didn't he? He waited, but it seemed that the assault had ceased. Spanner shrugged it off and drifted back into dreamland.

Poke.

This time he whirled around to see what was poking him. Spanner was a cool and relaxed guy, but he found nothing more irritating then playing with someone's sleep. Now whoever this guy thought he was was going to get the scolding of a…life….time…

Spanner closed his eyes again. He smiled. Nope, he was just tired. There is definitely not a hulking monster sitting at his bedside. He cracked open an eyelid. Yep, he was going to ignore that, back to La La Land. But as soon as he turned around a thick paw settled on his shoulder. His eyes snapped open, "Oh dear."

Ever so slowly Spanner shifted his line of sight to the left. A shaky laugh escaped him as his own green eyes met the narrowed deep brown of his assailant. What an unpleasant way to start off the day, he thought. He shrunk away from the menacing gaze.

Finally the chocolate glare retracts enough to reveal a scowling sharp featured face. Spanner sat up as well when he realized that this was in fact not a beast but a man; a very large, ill-mannered, grotesque man. Nevertheless, his mother taught him manners and he would proceed with greetings even if he was still exhausted.

"Good morning…sir." He gave the best smile he could at – he glanced at the clock – eight o'clock. Spanner reeled back and looked at the clock. He couldn't have gone to bed any later than six. That's fourteen hours! He hasn't slept that long since he was a babe. Every night since then has always been work until the early hours. Such nice sleep, maybe he could convince Mr. Intimidation to give him five more minutes…

Spanner slipped on his charmer face but before he could get a word in the man spoke, "Get up." Judging from the glare, it was best not to get on this gentleman's bad side just yet. So Spanner complied albeit very unwillingly. Once he was out of bed the spikey haired man merely stared at him. Spanner looked himself up and down. "What?" He asked while he, at the same time, removed a lollipop from the pocket of his robot onesie. The man rolled his eyes and said, "Follow me."

Spanner gave the man an incredulous look as he trailed behind. He mildly wondered what his problem was. The fellow probably woke up on the wrong side of the lightning rod. He chuckled at his little joke and then jolted as a thought occurred to him. Lightning rod, now where has he seen that before? Let's see…in the Varia…seven guardians…Spanner full out stumbled into a wall as he identified the man who had now turned around to see why he stopped walking. Yes, he would recognize that mustache anywhere. Leviathan, Lightning Guardian of the Varia; and he woke him up personally. Spanner grinned stupidly at the Lightning Guardian.

Leviathan on the other hand couldn't help but think that this so called mechanic was a wack job if he ever saw one. Spanner glided over and sidled up next to the Lightning Guardian. He cheekily asked, "You were in charge of the first Gola Mosca, weren't you?" Leviathan spared one look at the sparkling eyes of his 'admirer' and rolled his eyes for the umpth time that morning. He then took his leave and prayed that the goof wouldn't be able to keep up.

.

Unfortunately for Levi, Spanner kept up just fine and even managed to literally dance in circles around him. The poor guy was too enthusiastic for his own good. Nevertheless they made it to their destination and Leviathan still had his sanity intact for the most part. The same couldn't exactly be said for Spanner. He was already pumped full of energy. Finally there was someone who he could talk about robotics with and they wouldn't be confused or fall asleep. It was as if they covalently bonded. Spanner giggled at his witty little pun.

Leviathan indiscreetly pushed the giggling man further from his personal bubble. He shivered. Clingy followers were so annoying. He pushed open the door to the kitchen. First issue of duty, breakfast had to be made with the family minus Boss. The only person allowed to sleep in is Boss and only Boss. Their precious leader devoted so much time to this squad that it would be an obscenity to wake him for menial tasks. Currently he should be sleeping off his third hangover of the week.

Thus it came as a shock to see the Boss quietly conversing with his second in command, a cup of coffee and newspaper in hand. Levi stumbled over to him astonishment clearly written across his features. He dramatically dropped to his knees. "X-Xanxus-sama! What are you doing up so early!?" Spanner noted that this was the most emotion the man had shown all day. The amount of concern dripping from his lips almost had Spanner worried. Almost. The clear disdain drawn on the face of his Boss contradicted any need for care. Leviathan would later go down in his personal records as clingy and astoundingly unwise.

Xanxus kicked Levi right in the face. Immediately Leviathan's body dropped into a motionless heap. Spanner's eyes widened when it showed no signs of moving. He looked around the kitchen. No one made a move to help. Instead they carried about their usual business. It was amazing. Spanner, not looking to be a hero, briskly walked over to Lussuria. As expected the man greeted him warmly, "Good morning Spanner-san! How are you this wonderful day~?" He watched amusedly as Lussuria grandly gestured to the air. "I'm fine, thank you. You know Lussuria, you don't have to use honorifics with me. I was raised in Italy."

Lussuria waved Spanner away, "Oh don't be silly Spanner-san. I use honorifics because I think they're cute~, not out of cultural respect. How did you sleep by the way?" Spanner blinked. "It was nice. It would've been better if I could have slept in longer though," he said longingly.

Lussuria looked appalled. "Sleep in and miss the best part of the day!? That wouldn't do, dear. It's bonding time!" Lussuria stretched his arms out to him. Spanner hurriedly moved away. Lussuria caught this and furrowed his brows. "I…um…I don't really know you," Spanner asked rather than stated.

Something seemed to click because Lussuria was beaming once again, "Oh darling, not me and you! I mean the whole Varia famiglia~ and guests." Spanner remained equally confused. Lussuria sighed, "I'll show you."

With that, Lussuria turned to the other conversing members. One loud 'ahem' gathered everyone's attention (except the unconscious Leviathan who still lay on the floor). "Today we are making recipe #128, a traditional breakfast! Bel, you're on batter control. I want it thick with blueberries, no strawberries. Understood? Boss, Squalo? Protein, protein, protein! We need a lot of it. Bacon, eggs, and sausage should be easily managed between the two of you. Levi! You and I are going to make the best damn biscuits in Italy…whenever you're conscious. Fran you're on juice duty." "Again?" "Yes, and Spanner will assist you. Let's make it eight ounces instead of twelve, okay dear. You almost gave us diabetes last time. Alright team, move out!"

Before Spanner could process anything, he was thrust in Fran's direction. The teen awaited him with a pitcher of water. "Alright loser, everyone gets two glasses – one water, one juice." Fran shoved a list in his hand.

"What's this," he asked.

"It's a list of everyone's favorite drink. Be careful. If you mix it up, you'll probably end up dead." Fran's eyes pierced his core. "I'm gonna go set the table. Have fun."

Spanner watched as his only guide turned away. "Wait, w-what?"

Fran called over his shoulder, "If you need any help ask Bel-sempai. Peace."

Spanner furrowed his brows. Bel-sempai? Oh Belphegor! Lussuria said he was on batter duty. Spanner quickly scanned the room in search of the so called prince. Aha! He spotted the blonde sitting atop the granite countertop intensely mixing a bowl of batter. Spanner barely managed to maneuver through the chaotic kitchen towards him. All around the mechanic it was like a war to see who could prepare their dish quickest without getting decapitated. Flour and broken eggs littered the floor and Spanner swore he heard a gunshot. Nonetheless, he made it to the ecstatic blond in one piece.

Spanner panted, "You like mixing batter, eh?" Bel paused momentarily to grin crazily at Spanner. "Yup, enjoying your job juice boy?" He teased. Spanner scratched his head, "Well, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing exactly, Fran kind of left." Bel giggled in that odd way of his. "Obviously, you didn't expect the dumb frog to help you, did you?" He hopped off the counter and made his way to a waffle maker.

"I don't really care. But make sure I get strawberry milk. Or else." Spanner was tempted to reply with 'or else what' but one insane look from the knife wielder hushed him. "Can you at least tell me where the glasses are." He could find the huge fridge well enough on his own. Bel absentmindedly pointed to the cabinet directly above Spanner's head. Once again the blond was engrossed in the art of waffle making. Spanner had gathered the correct amount of glasses in his arms when a thought occurred to him. "Um, Belphegor?" Bel grunted.

"Where's Mammon?" Spanner searched the room for the floating illusionist. Bel answered as he attended to a second waffle. "He went to visit Fon. They hang out sometimes."

Spanner frowned. He was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to properly meet the Mist Arcobaleno. "How long will he be gone?" Bel shrugged. Spanner frowned. He began to walk towards the refrigerator when Lussuria's voice rang out.

"Five minutes left!"

Spanner's eyes widened. A quick kitchen scan proved that just about everyone was putting the finishing touch on their dishes. He dashed over to the fridge and set down the glasses in his arm. He whipped open the door. Dozens of drink containers stared back at him. He looked around at a loss. What did he do? Okay, Belphegor wanted strawberry milk, he thought. He snatched out a carton and poured a glass. Now what did everyone else want? Think, think, think. He snapped his fingers, the list! How could he forget the list? That was his lifeline. He pulled the paper from his pocket and read:

_Xanxus – Terlato wine_

_Squalo – orange juice_

_Lussuria – 2% milk _

_Leviathan – grape juice_

_Belphegor – strawberry milk_

_Fran – apple juice_

_Guest – random? _

"Two minutes!" Spanner bit his lip and began frantically pouring drinks. For simplicity's sake, he served water for himself. The second he tossed the last drink back in the fridge he dashed out to the dining room. Others were already setting up when realized he had a problem, a big problem. But the clock was ticking. So, he ignored it. Instead he ran around setting sloshing beverages on the provided coasters. As soon as Spanner set his water in the chair labeled guest, the bell rung loud and clear.

Sighs of relief were released throughout the room. Lussuria stepped back and wiped sweat from his brow. "Good job everyone, we finished just in time. I think we've earned our delicious meal. Dig in~!" Spanner relaxed into his seat with closed eyes. How refreshing! He didn't think he'd ever been so worked up in his life, over a couple drinks too.

Spanner listened to the copious amounts of shuffling going on around him. He furrowed his eyes. That can't be good. He blinked his eyes open. When he saw everyone sitting around the table, his heart skipped a beat. Oh no. His problem had come back with a vengeance.

He hesitantly peeked at the seat to his left. Fran returned his puzzled look. He mouthed, 'What the hell did you do?' Spanner then saw that in front of Fran was Squalo's orange juice. His eyes darted to where Squalo sat with furrowed brows. On his coaster sat an overflowing glass of strawberry milk. The more Spanner looked around the table, the paler his face became. From Levi's apple juice to Belphegor's cup of wine, he knew he had screwed up. The only person besides himself that seemed to have the correct drink was Lussuria who happened to sit in front of the milk. Spanner slightly relaxed. Well at least one person wouldn't be out for his blood.

Lussuria brought the terribly small serving of milk to his lips. He looked around as he swallowed the first gulp. He smiled at Spanner in what he presumed to be a reassuring way. However the smile was cut short as he began gagging. Worry and fear coursed through Spanner's veins once again. Lussuria furiously wiped at his tongue. "Ugh, I think I'm going to throw up." He brought the rest of the milk up to eye level. His face contorted into a look of pain, "Oh my goodness, he gave me whole milk." Then Lussuria fainted right there in his chair.

At the head of the table, Xanxus squeezed his glass of orange juice until the glass began to crack. Livid red eyes swept across the table until they landed on the cowering mechanic. The Flame of Wrath could clearly be seen blazing behind his glare. Spanner, seeing he wouldn't get out of this unscathed, slapped on a nervous smile in hopes of easing the tension at the table. He thought he did well because Xanxus' grip on the glass loosened. But he was deceived because the next moment a shattered glass acquainted itself with his chair not two inches from his still smiling face.

The room sat in silence. Spanner was sure of his impending demise and inwardly succumbed to the silent death threats. Whether Squalo took pity on Spanner or he actually found the situation humorous, he had saved Spanner's neck.

"Ha! Will you look at that! The mechanic has a sense of humor. I bet he has our real glasses somewhere else and wanted to see how we'd react, right?" Squalo's eyes pierced him with a hidden warning.

At that moment Spanner knew he owed his life to the swordsman. He cleared his throat, "Yes, I'm very happy you all caught on." He nervously chuckled against the silence before hurriedly excusing himself to remake the proper orders.

When he returned, the mood had lifted to an infinitely lighter setting. Little jokes were being thrown around along with joyous eating. Spanner went around serving eight ounce glasses of water and the preferred drinks with a much more relaxed smile. Soon he too allowed himself to enjoy the pleased atmosphere and delicious breakfast.

After a while, everyone had finished. But instead of clearing the table, the company's eyes turned to Spanner expectedly. He shot a confused look right back at them. Lussuria, ever his lifesaver, mouthed 'introduce yourself' over to him. Spanner realized he had yet to properly meet all of these strange people, so he presented himself accordingly.

"Oh, I'm Spanner the mechanic. I'm supposed to help prepare your ballroom for the anniversary party." He said.

Xanxus continued glaring at him, but altogether did nothing. Squalo puffed out his chest, "Vooiii! I'm Superbi Squalo, best swordsman in the world and don't you forget it!"

Fran rolled his eyes, "Commander Squalo, our eardrums beg you to shut up."

Squalo growled at him, "Shut up, brat! Get ready, it's training day." He evilly smirked. Fran's eyes widened ever so slightly, "No thank you." But Squalo had already made his way across the table. He grabbed Fran's collar and dragged him out of the room. All the while Fran complained, "My body was not built for exercise. I need my baby fat." Squalo barked out, "Ha, sure. I want a three lap warm up around the house! No slacking!"

Spanner pitied Fran. He wasn't built for manual labor either, computers provided only his fingers with activity most of the time. But he wouldn't go against Squalo to save him. His condolences went out to the young illusionist.

Xanxus stood up from the table next, "Don't touch my booze, scum." He glared at Spanner one last time before exiting with an air of finality. Leviathan imitated his boss' glare and scurried out of the room after him. Lussuria began clearing the table, "I know we have already been introduced, but I hope you enjoy your stay Spanner-san! If you need anything just call for Big Sis Luss, okay?" Having said his piece, Lussuria sashayed into the kitchen while carrying numerous dishes in his arms.

Spanner looked to the only other inhabitant of the dining room. He and Bel stood up simultaneously. The blonde prince stretched, "Ushishi~ The prince is going to go watch the frog suffer." Spanner threw up a thumbs up, "Of course, I suppose I'm going to go get started on the ballroom."

Bel nodded as he walked off. Spanner then remembered, "Oh, and could you tell Squalo I said thank you." Bel replied, "The prince doesn't run errands. Bye-bi~!"

Spanner frowned but couldn't say he didn't see it coming. He looked at his watch and saw that it was now noon. He had better get started on the ballroom if he wanted to finish by next week. He sighed and sauntered in the direction of his room.

First order of business, he should probably change out of his robot onesie.

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_Yay~! Hope you liked this whopping 3,000 word chapter! Next chapter will be more Spanner-centric and will focus on the rebuilding process. Ciao~_


	4. Construction Sorta Begins

_RE: Ohhhh yeah~! Another chapter! Remember, after this next chapter other stories will be updated. :D_

Disclaimer: I'm getting sick of this. Please refer to chapter one.

My Conscience: Somebody's gonna get sued~.

Gah! Shut it! Enjoy the chapter before I turn into a smokin' bomb. *twitch*

* * *

**Construction Begins…Sorta**

Spanner strolled around to the center of the room. He sighed. The scarred floor below perfectly mirrored its ceiling companion. He gave the ground two firm stomps. At least the ground foundation was solid. That's one less restoration to worry about. He checked it off of his clipboard list; his long, foreboding list.

Just about everything in the room needed to be repaired, restored, or redecorated in one way or another before the anniversary ball. The floors had to be polished. The various holes in the ceiling needed to be patched. On closer inspection he found that two of the windows were broken and needed to be replaced. He'd also discovered some faulty wiring in need of repair. The room needed a full remodeling and an exterminator would need to be contacted for the numerous rodents he had unfortunately encountered while surveying the ceiling.

Not to mention that somehow he had to recreate the ethereal fountain.

He sighed once more. There was a lot to be done. Too much for him to do alone. He didn't have the equipment for one thing and doubted the Varia had any in store. Another problem was that he wasn't an expert in a bunch of these fields. Sure he could eventually get it done but not in a week while still keeping it decent. Honestly, he was stumped.

He quickly skimmed his list once more before exiting the ballroom. He needed a team, plain and simple. A good team that could get the job done precisely and quickly. Now he just had to find them.

Spanner's feet carried him through the halls. He was so deep in thought that he failed to realize his body already had an idea in mind. Eventually he stopped on his own accord. Right in front of his lollipop sucking face stood a door. It was large and majestic, if not a little menacing.

Spanner's body told him to open the door, to stop waiting and get it over with. But deep inside, Spanner knew. The door's atmosphere just screamed sudden death.

But then again, since when was Spanner a fella who stayed on the safe side?

That thought in mind, he cracked the door. And as soon as he did, he remembered he should have knocked. There went his good impression. He slowly pushed the door open a few more inches. There was nearly enough room to peek his head through when a bullet implanted itself just beside his cranium.

The shock turned his legs to jelly and he fell through the door. Once he was down, he just lied there. Raucous laughter bubbled up ahead of him. He heard Squalo say, "What an idiot." And a raging blush made its way onto his cheeks. The mere thought of how stupid he looked face first on the floor encouraged him to pop into standing position. As usual he slapped on an easy smile to hide his unease.

"Haha, sorry about that." He gulped. Right in front of him was Xanxus sitting in a big arm chair. His brain mentally cheered at its accurate foreshadowing. But that wasn't enough to hide the fear from creeping in. Xanxus had just shot a legit bullet next to his precious brain. He lightly pouted. Come on man, that was all he had going for him.

Squalo stood up from a sofa by the windows. He dusted off his uniform and said, "Voi! I thought those brats taught you to knock before entering. Show respect for assassins or next time you might just get a bullet in your ass."

Spanner chuckled, "Or brain."

Squalo furrowed his brow, "What?"

"Huh?"

"What did you just say?"

Spanner's voice became a little defensive, "Well, what did you just say?"

"Hey, answer my question first!" Squalo smacked his hand on Xanxus' desk in irritation. Xanxus calmly moved his stapler out of harm's way.

"I don't understand." Spanner deadpanned.

"It's a simple question! When I said you might get shot, you laughed and said something. All I want to know is what you said!"

"…"

"…"

"Good morning."

Squalo threw his hands into the air. He walked over to the door, temple in hand. "Look simpleton, I'm gonna go to my office, and the next time I see you…" Squalo enforced the rest of his sentence by rapidly beating his fist into his hand. "Got it!?"

Spanner nodded politely. "Okay." Squalo growled at him before finally leaving the office, slamming the door on his way out.

Xanxus barked out a laugh from across the room. "'Bout time that trash left." He chuckled lightly before flipping through a stack of papers. Spanner took this opportunity to straighten out his jumpsuit and approach the man's desk.

He said, "Ah, excuse me. I know we met during breakfast and I kinda messed up your drink, haha. But – well sorry for that. But I actually need your help with something." Xanxus ignored his presence and continued signing one document or another. Spanner spoke up again, "I need more workers, like a team to help me. But I don't know where to find them. If it helps, it's for the ballroom so I can get it finished on time."

Apparently Xanxus was done with hearing Spanner speak because he pulled away from his work and settled Spanner with a fierce glare. He nearly growled, "What makes you think I care, trash." Spanner gulped heavily under the attention but stood his ground, "Well, why wouldn't you? It's for your father, right?"

Xanxus banged his fist on the table and snarled, "He isn't my father. I have nothing to do with that trash." Spanner was taken aback. How could someone speak of such a man so hatefully? He fondly remembered his short time spent with the head. Vongola Nono was kind and compassionate. Even if Spanner was nothing but a mechanic, he treated him with respect and the utmost importance upon meeting him. So unlike many others who would become distracted when talking to the unsocial mechanic, Nono gave him his undivided attention. He briefly talked about Xanxus, and when he did, it was with love and almost nostalgia. How then, could Xanxus be so cruel, so hateful?

So he asked, "How could you be so cruel? Vongola Nono is so kind, and he loves you which, no offense, is probably really difficult. I know this isn't my place to say and you will most likely kill me before I finish but, it isn't hard to let go of old hate. I know because under Byakuran everyone told me to loathe the Vongola, especially Nono. Byakuran had told us that they were to blame for any troubles and if we could get rid of all they stood for, life would be good. But eventually I had to realize it wasn't true. They were the words of a bloodthirsty man and I had to let go of what he said. Now if I can forgive Vongola Nono of the horrible rumors, why can't you forgive him for one little lie – a secret he kept because he cared?"

When Spanner looked up from his dazed monologue, scarlet eyes had softened ever so slightly. Xanxus was still glaring at him, but it was more of a considering gaze now. He furrowed his brow and reached into his desk beside him. Spanner cringed, believing that Xanxus had not appreciated what he said after all.

But Xanxus emerged holding a notepad. He flipped it open and scribbled down a short list of names and numbers. When he deemed it finished, Xanxus ripped out the page and held it out to Spanner. He said, "You're right, it wasn't your place to speak. But you did anyways, so I couldn't help but listen." He sighed. "Here." Spanner took the paper out of his hand. "That should help with your problem. Now get out."

Spanner hadn't known Xanxus for long at all, but he knew that the man was smart enough to appreciate an honest man's words. He guessed he could take this as a pseudo-apology for being rude. However he meant it, Spanner appreciated it. He smiled and said a small thank you. On his way out, he couldn't help but think that Xanxus wasn't half as bad as people make him out to be. Maybe a little misunderstood, but good at heart. How could he not be?

He was Nono's son after all.

_**O**_

Spanner looked on in horror at the spectacle before him. He had not a single clue why he'd come to Lussuria of all people to ask for a ride. There was no way anyone would take him seriously riding in that. He couldn't even take himself seriously. But Bel and Fran said they had their licenses suspended, and no one else really liked him all that much. So Spanner sucked up both pride and dignity and sat back in the leather seats of Lussuria's pink Maserati.

"So~ where to, hun?" Lussuria turned to him from the driver's seat. Spanner sighed and unraveled the notepaper. "I'm not sure. Xanxus gave me this paper and I guess this address will help me find a construction team."

Lussuria remained silent for a very long time. Spanner became a little worried. "Um, Lussuria?" He asked. The flamboyant male seemed to snap back to reality them. "Oh, what?"

Spanner waved the note in front of his face. "Oh! Yes, sorry about that. It's just…Boss gave that to you?" He asked.

Spanner slowly nodded. Lussuria sat back, "Huh. Well, let' see that address~." He snatched the paper out of the confused mechanic's hand. "Ooh~! I know exactly where this is. I get my nails done next door all the time." Ignoring Spanner's disbelieving stare, Lussuria started the car and zoomed out of the Varia's massive garage.

Thus began the most terrifying drive of Spanner's short life.

* * *

_RE: Hehehe. Lame cliffhanger. But hey, last chapter was ridiculously long so I guess I'll avoid another 3,000 and add it onto next chappie. See ya then~_

_Ciao~!_


	5. Auditions

**Okay! If you're reading this bold print, it means I've finally caught up. The entire story is now revised. So anything you remember from the previous version can be thrown out the window pronto. **

**To all my new visitors, haaaaiiii~! Ignore all that stuff above since you probably haven't read the old one. I hope you enjoy my story and I guarantee the author's notes aren't all this long. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Auditions**

Spanner dry heaved on the side of the road again. Tears of exertion blocked his vision. The sting of bile rose into his nose. These feelings washed over his body along with the memories. The awful memories of blurred traffic lines and thousands of red and blue flashes swam across his thoughts. Why him? He had done nothing wrong to deserve this. Actually he had been doing a whole lot of good lately. Yet here he was, standing on the side of the highway. And behind him was the cause of all his pain and suffering.

Lussuria jammed to Mariah Carey's "Fantasy" for the millionth time inside his pink Maserati. He leaned out the far window and called to Spanner, "Are you done, hun~? It's only a couple more miles. I'll make it quick."

Spanner shivered in horror. Speed, now that was the last thing he needed. He heaved once more before deeming his stomach's contents empty. Shakily he walked back to the car. The music was blasting at a nauseating level. His stomach churned.

"Uh, Lussuria?" Said man looked to the pale, sweaty mechanic. He continued. "Could you turn the music down a little? I think it's," he swallowed thickly, "making me sick."

Lussuria shrugged and turned the music down to a reasonable level. "Ready to go?" He slurped on a slushy he somehow managed to pick up during the chaos. "I think we finally lost them." He said this while glancing through his rearview mirror. Spanner nodded.

"I guess so. But please, just a little slower. I'm begging you." He slowly lowered himself back into the dazzling sports car. A thumbs up was all the confirmation he got before they sped onto the rode once more.

Lussuria clearly did not listen. They continued to drive just under breakneck speeds. It was a wonder they didn't end up in another police chase. With the amount of road laws (or "guidelines" as Lussuria described them) they broke, Spanner half expected to show up on Italy's Most Wanted. Plus he knew they ran over at least two old ladies crossing the street. It just wasn't physically possible to have moved out of the way fast enough.

He briefly wondered if Bel and Fran didn't have their licenses for similar reasons. They were both of age as far as he knew. They didn't seem very responsible either. Especially with the way Fran abandoned him during breakfast that morning. He was still a little upset about that. Was it really only that morning? So much had happened and it was only three o'clock. Maybe it was because he woke up so early. He always was one to sleep in.

This was kind of nice.

Or not.

Lussuria handle whipped them over a sidewalk, between the two saplings growing there, and three rows down into a handicap parking space.

"We're here!" He looked over to Spanner who appeared to be looking out the window. He shook him until he flopped towards him. "Aw~ you fell asleep. I told you it wasn't that bad. Wake up sleepy head~." He lightly slapped Spanner on the side of his face. No response. He frowned and shook him again. No response. Lussuria puffed out his cheeks. Now this was no fair. He drove him all the way here and Spanner wasn't even awake to see his wonderful parking. Or should he say parkour?

Spanner's internal sensors alerted him to a terrible pun. He snapped awake and sat up fast. His head swam so he immediately grabbed the closest thing, which happened to be Lussuria's sleeve. "Oh look, you're awake! Good evening, dear~. You fell asleep. See? I told you I could drive slower. We're already here." Lussuria gestured to the brick building in front of him and stepped out of the car.

Spanner looked where the lunatic previously sat. Sleep? He thought he was sleeping. What kind of psychopath can't recognize a person who's fainted? Spanner shook the thought off, quietly reminding himself that he was with the Varia. He then hurried out of the fabulous deathtrap.

It turned out that they were at a large office building. The woman at the front desk half acknowledged the two guests. She calmly spoke to the yelling end of her desk phone.

"Yes," she said, "I understand. Mr. Superbi – Sir, please don't yell. Yes. Yes they're here, now. I'm sorry to hear that. I understand. Have a good day." She hung up the phone and released a sigh.

Lussuria cleared his throat to gather her attention. She looked to him and rubbed her temple. Then with a tight smile she greeted them, "Hello gentlemen, I'm assuming you're here for the auditions."

Spanner creased his brow, "Auditions?"

She stood, "Yes, your employer called and scheduled the arrangements. Now, if you will follow me." Lussuria and Spanner followed her through the building and into a dance studio. Spanner's knees locked up. Oh dear, he thought. Unpleasant memories of the last time he was in a dance studio flooded his thoughts…

"_Come on William, I need your legs higher. Higher. Higher, like this." The instructor demonstrated by stretching her own legs up into a perfect vertical line._

_William cringed and put his leg down, "But Mrs. Dancy, I can't do it. It hurts." The instructor called to the other dancers, "Keep going ladies, you're doing great!" She walked over to the young boy and squatted to his level._

"_What's wrong, honey? You were doing great just a few days ago. Did something happen?" William averted his eyes. How could he tell her? She was a girl. She would probably make fun of him. But if he didn't, he'd be stuck doing pirouettes for twenty minutes after class. He glanced back to her steady gaze. Deep breaths, she always told him to do that when he was nervous._

_He finally said, "I think it's because…I'm a boy."_

_She looked confused for a moment, and he began to internally panic, thinking he had said something wrong. But then her face lit up with understanding. "Oh, I understand. Don't worry, dear. Do you remember my brother who came to your last performance?" William nodded. "He was a dancer too, remember? Now if he could do it, what makes you think you can't?" He weakly shrugged. "I'm telling you, all it takes is a little practice. So, how about we try it one more time? Can you do that for me?"_

_William took one look at his trainer's pleading face and gave in. He stepped back and began from the floor, slowly lifting his leg higher and higher with each kick. Mrs. Dancy was right, he thought. This is pretty easy. However his legs were approaching chest height and he could feel the familiar burn around his thighs._

_He wanted to stop, but Mrs. Dancy looked so excited. Even the other girls had stopped their routine and gathered around to cheer him on. He had to do this. So he kicked higher and higher and higher…He was almost there! One more kick and he'd be vertical. He put his all into getting his foot to his face, and he just knew he had it. He was so very close._

_But then something snapped. _

_All he could do was scream bloody murder. He rolled around on the ground. Tears rushing down his face. He barely remembered the paramedics carrying him to the ambulance. They just kept calling, "William! William stay awake alright? I know it hurts, honey. William!"_

"Spanner!"

He snapped his eyes to Lussuria who was sitting at a two seat table by the mirror. "Huh?" He said dumbly. Lussuria patted the seat next to him.

The lady from the receptionist desk called from the doorway. "Alright, I'll be sending them in momentarily. Sit tight, gentlemen."

Spanner turned to Lussuria, "What's going on?"

He grinned, "We're going to be judges! Just like on American Idol, ooh with Simon Cowell!" Lussuria fanned himself. "What about you?"

Spanner deadpanned back at him.

Lussuria sat up straight and cleared his throat, "Right. Um, we're auditioning people for your crew! Aren't you excited~?" The flamboyant man clapped his hands.

The mechanic, on the other hand, sighed in relief. He slumped into his chair, "Thank goodness, no more leg lifts."

Lussuria stopped bouncing in his chair and gave him a confused look, "What?"

"What?"

"Did you say – "

To Spanner's immense relief, the audition group entered at that moment. They did quick introductions and then one by one showed the two men what they had to show for carpentry-wise.

Audition #1

"Hallo."

"Hi there." "Hey~!" Lussuria and Spanner greeted simultaneously. Spanner looked down at his clipboard. "So what do you have in store for us, Otto?"

The burly man cleared his throat and spoke with a thick German accent. "I would like to show you my lifting skills." He showed them a wagon filled with cinder blocks.

"Okay, go ahead." Spanner said.

The man took off his jacket to reveal a tight fitted tank top. Spanner felt Lussuria shiver from beside him and subtly scooted his chair to the right.

Otto turned to the cart and grabbed the sides. In one great heave, he lifted the wagon off the ground and directly above his head.

Spanner gaped. Lussuria panted.

A check went next to Otto's name.

Audition #6

A frail older man slowly made his way in front of them. In his hands he rolled an old dirty window pane until he stopped in front of them.

Lussuria leaned forwards, "Excuse me, sir. The nursing home is down the street. These are the construction try-outs." He smiled.

The old man smiled back and said, "Yes, and the drag queen circus is around the corner." Lussuria gasped in horror.

The man then turned to Spanner. "Hello. My name is David."

Spanner chuckled, "It's nice to meet you, David. I'm Spanner. What do you have to show us today?"

David said, "I'm going to show you young lads how to replace a window pane in one minute." They nodded.

David straightened his back, a few popping noise accompanying the action. Then he revealed a fresh pane and baseball bat he had brought in with him. He counted down from three on his fingers.

Once he reached one, he hefted the baseball bat and smashed it through the glass. In a matter of seconds he had completely cleared the frame. Then he popped in the new frame with a few hefty bumps.

After he finished he turned with his hands up. Spanner stopped his timer at 57 seconds.

Lussuria pouted. David smiled.

A check went next to his name.

Audition #11

Next came in a trio dressed in black leotards. They introduced themselves as the "Ballerina Builders," each doing a curtsey when saying their names.

"No, thank you. You may exit through that door." Spanner smiled and shooed them out of the room.

Their names were furiously crossed out.

Audition #15

"Hi, I'm Tiffany~!"

Lussuria put on a fake smile, "Yeah, and now you're out the door, that way!" The confused girl walked out the door.

Spanner frowned, "Why'd you kick her out?"

Lussuria put his hand on his shoulder, "Please honey, I know wannabe competition when I see it."

A question mark went next to her name.

Audition #21

A spunky redhead came in with a white three way poster board. "Hello there!" She said.

Spanner warily waited for Lussuria to speak. "Hey girl~, I'm loving those socks."

"Thank you," She lightly blushed. "My son picked them out."

Spanner nodded, understanding Lussuria's logic. "Hi, what do you have to show us today, ma'am."

"Well. I have been an interior decorator for ten years and would like to show you some of my skills." They nodded interestedly so she continued. "Here I have a poster showing a blank room." Black lines made the basic outlines of an empty bedroom on the poster. "Now in a little less than three minutes, I will transform it into an elegant boudoir."

Lussuria nudged Spanner excitedly. "Oh and what's your name?"

She reached into her bag and retrieved a huge pack of assorted Crayola© markers. She replied, "Martha."

Spanner said, "Your choice of markers has proved you to be wise, young Martha." She giggled.

Using long, graceful strokes, Martha began on her masterpiece. It was clear she had artistic ability, but what mesmerized them were the colors. Streaks of yellow and gray fused magnificently to add golden highlights. Along with purples and pinks that when mixed perfectly created a glowing fuchsia. It was amazing and beautiful.

When she finished, Martha's grinning face was covered in colorful marks from her swift movements.

And there was a check by her name.

_**O**_

Spanner and Lussuria sat back at long last and looked at their list. Thirty auditions and they were left with six names.

Otto ;) (smiley courtesy of Lussuria)

Tom (who was a math wiz and a boss at size calculations)

David

Lenny (who made an impressive yet disgusting display of rodent extermination)

Martha

Ed (a slightly indecisive electrician)

The list was short, but really that's all they needed. Each person would play leader to an even smaller team of their own. These teams would be composed of servants and anybody else they could gather individually.

Most of all, Spanner was satisfied. Sure it had taken them three hours to get through them all, and Lussuria fainted (which was sort of payback) twice. Yet somehow they got it done, and that was all that mattered. Tomorrow they would get to the nitty-gritty. But for now, he was going to relax and go with the flow.

Well, that is if he made it back to the mansion alive.

* * *

***squeals* I hope you liked it! **

**After two long months of revising, feel free to throw me some feedback.**

**But for now gracias and I'll see you next update.**

**Ciao~!**


	6. A True Family

_You guys gave an awesome amount of support once I posted the final revised chapters so first off thank you all so much for that! I mean tell me what you want, but over twenty follows and favs is a lot in my opinion, haha. Also thank you everyone who reviewed. I appreciate the feedback a whole lot. (Keep 'em coming.)_

_I know I said all the A/Ns wouldn't be so long, but I just had to take the time to thank all of you. So without further ado, here's your next chapiliciousness!_

* * *

**A True Family**

Progress was moving along swimmingly in the ballroom. Spanner and Ed had just succeeded in repairing all of the faulty wiring in and around the ballroom, and it looked like the other group leaders were having similar success. Otto, their resident strongman, was carting out the last of the clearing wreckage.

Martha and her son whom she had brought to work sat at a table off to the side filling in last minute orders to refurbish the ballroom back into its former paradise glory. An expert had even been called in to look at the grand piano. They hoped that it was salvageable enough to be played in a live orchestra on the night of the party.

Even the windows were dazzling once more thanks to David (who turned out to be an all-around window expert) and his home made cleaner that managed to make all the rust and grime wash away in a single swipe.

As much as the bubbling, green concoction piqued Spanner's curiosity, he could not find it in himself to dare ask the ingredients. Certain smells told him that it would be better left as a "family secret"  
as he so called it

All in all, the first official day of construction was making good progress. Still, Spanner couldn't quite muster up the feelings of satisfaction that should be there. Nope, not with a gaping space of nothingness where the Fountain of Youth apparently once stood. He had five days in counting to produce a miracle that would blow the mind of Lussuria and every other guest, old and new. Five measly days and all he had on his side was a stressed out mathematician.

Tom stood to the mechanic's left running calculations like mad. To be completely honest, Spanner hadn't a clue of what the sprightly man of forty-something was even running calculations about.

All he had said when he walked the guy over was, "So I have this area from here" – he stood at one side of the demolition circle, then walked across to the other side – "to here and up to the ceiling all around. But you can probably tell that from these neat little dirt circles the deconstruction team left when they tore down the fountain – "

Tom raised his hand to abruptly gesture for silence. He intensely studied the remnants of the area as he asked, "What did you say the dimensions where?"

"Um, actually I didn't say the dimensions yet –"

"The dimensions, Charles!"

Spanner furrowed his brow in confusions. "Hey, how do you know my middle name – "

"Sh!" The man had morphed an expression of intense concentration on his face, and when Spanner inquired of what he was doing, he was shushed once more. So he waited and waited and waited. Spanner waited so long he even considered taking up knitting again and those weren't very pleasant memories at all. Until finally Tom broke his trance and turned to Spanner with an excited grin on his face. Feeling that there was good news ahead, Spanner began to smile excitedly too. But that all changed when Tom reopened his mouth.

"You can't put a fountain there." He spoke still in an excited voice, but all Spanner could feel was his stomach dropping to the floor. The smile slipped off his face. "What do you mean?"

Tom noticed the mood drop and tuned his expression accordingly. "You can't put a fountain back in here, Charles. It's impossible." Spanner sighed exasperately, "Again with the middle name – "

Tom continued over him. "You see, with a floor to ceiling fountain of this size, it would weigh tons. So to ease the pressure on the floor, they are designed to push against the ceiling also. Normally this wouldn't be an issue because most ballrooms are built off way of the main building. But with this one in particular –"

"There are rooms built above it and below it." Spanner finished.

Tom smiled. "Exactly. So the pressure has no safe way to go until gravity" – he pointed to the small cracks in the concrete– "forces it down. Now all the tons of weight from the fountain that isn't meant to go all in one area is doing just that. Eventually the floor – no matter how reinforced – couldn't take the pressure and it began to show. Thankfully whoever saw took it down before it completely fell through the floor into the…"

"Garage." And in effect fall right onto Xanxus's extensive Maserati collection. Spanner sighed. "So I guess it wasn't from neglect."

Tom shook his head. "No. It just shouldn't have been there in the first place." Spanner nodded and ran his hands over his face. "Thanks, Tom. Um, could you go over there and tell Martha that we're going to need flooring and ceiling paint over this spot?"

Tom patted him on his back comfortingly. "Of course. Don't worry, Charles. It'll all work out." He slipped away after that and began walking to the table Martha and her team had gathered around. Then something clicked in Spanner's head not allowing him time to complain about his namesake. For some reason those words sounded very familiar, and that wasn't the only thing.

Before he was out of earshot, Spanner lightly smirked and called, "How are classes nowadays, Mr. Hickey?" His first grade math teacher or, as had been referred to previously, Tom turned and said, "You're still the best student I've ever had, William!"

Spanner chuckled and walked towards the doors of the ballroom. What are the odds? Although he'd aged a good twenty years, Mr. Hickey had as vibrant an attitude as the day he stepped into his classroom. At least he knew that with his teacher in there, progress could continue to move forward as planned. For now, Spanner had bigger fish to fry. He only hoped that Lussuria would take the news well.

_**~O~**_

Spanner wasn't sure what he expected to see when he walked into the living area of Varia Headquarters. Perhaps an empty room would make sense. The assassination team seemed a bit out of touch with sane social interaction so reasonably the members probably spent much of their time alone or out on missions, certainly not casually hanging around with other members of their little pseudo family pod. He chuckled. It was sort of funny to imagine.

Xanxus and Squalo would probably be like older brothers to Fran and Bel, albeit bully-ish in their antics. But then that's what most older siblings were. Lussuria would of course assume the role of 'Mother Hen,' doting over each and every move they made. Mammon, the rebellious baby who always hung around his friend's homes. And Levi…

He'd definitely be the creepy uncle.

Either way it went, the image was only a figment of his imagination designed to humor him into thinking positively. Obviously such a vicious group of individuals couldn't fit into a picture perfect family portrait. It was simply out of character. The extent of Spanner's reality could only be stretched to a civil coexistence among the Varia members, especially when all of the horrible rumors spread around the Japan base were factored in.

So it made sense that Spanner was shocked when he passed by the doorway and caught a glimpse into unreality. The first thing he noticed had to be Lussuria's hair. He intended to search for the man in his quarters so reasonably he changed course. But the second thing that caught his eye was Xanxus, then Squalo sitting beside him, and finally Bel and Fran relaxing on the floor in front of them. Spanner paused in his advances to fully take in the sight.

Levi sat on the arm of the couch to Xanxus' left while the Sun Guardian resided in a large armchair with his back facing the doorway leading deeper into the mansion. Also known as the spot Spanner stood in. From his viewpoint, Xanxus held what some sort of book that Squalo was commenting on.

"Yeah, that guy there was a pistol. I don't think anyone else in Vongola had as foul a mouth as he did." He paused to take a sip of water. "Except maybe you, Xanxus." He laughed.

Xanxus hummed lowly. "You're one to talk, Shark. Last time I remember, you earned the nickname Potty Mouth within your first week at the Vongola." A small smile graced his lips as Squalo guffawed in response.

"Hey Bel-Sempai," a familiar monotonous voice spoke up from the ground. "I thought you said you were around during the last Ball."

"Ushishshi~ Of course I was, hand me the photographic proof Squalo." Bel made a 'gimmie' gesture for the book Squalo was currently flipping through.

"Voiii, hold on a second. I'm trying to find it, brat." Squalo's page scanning intensified. He squinted hard at one picture before pulling the book upright to display for the rest of the room. "Here it is."

The book showed a surprisingly large picture of a group of men, a handful of significantly younger men, and one small child in the middle. Judging from the distinctly familiar hair, Spanner identified this as Belphegor.

"I look pretty good in a white suit." Bel commented proudly. He then bopped Fran on the head when the green haired boy said, "Meh, it kind of contrasts with the dark childlike insanity in my opinion."

"Aw, look how short your hair was in this, Squ~!" Lussuria squealed. "You looked so young."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" Squalo shouted, pointing to the man accusingly.

"Nothing, nothing," Lussuria waved it away. "It's just you were what, twelve in this picture?"

Squalo simply shrugged and took another drink of his water. "Something like that."

Levi stirred when he too caught a glimpse of the picture. "Hey Boss, who was that?" He said pointing to a slightly older individual standing with his arm slung across Xanxus' shoulder.

Xanxus none to gently relieved Squalo of the photo album and took a closer look at the man in question. The boss of the Varia simply raised an eyebrow and grunted, "Alfonso."

Squalo quirked an eyebrow. "Your brother?" Xanxus merely shrugged.

"Hm, let me see." Lussuria leaned forward in his seat to get a better look at the man. "Oh yeah, I remember him! He was the heir at the time, correct?" He looked to the Varia boss.

Xanxus tilted his head down just as Belphegor loosely commented, "But then he died."

The atmosphere in the room suddenly brought on a crisp chill. Nobody spoke or, for what it counted, even breathed too loudly. The entire room's focus was suddenly on Xanxus, waiting for some kind of response to the self-proclaimed prince's careless remark. The tension had reached a bursting point when Xanxus finally granted the gathered members with a response.

"Yes…he died. But he was a better role model to me than any of the wannabes at the party that night. He was clever, brave and would have been the first decent boss Vongola ever had in my opinion. Then one night he overheard some trashes plotting against the Ninth. Apparently they planned to kill him in the dead of night, so he decided to catch them in the act personally and teach a lesson. But he was injured and outnumbered, and when it came to blows he and the Ninth couldn't hold it down on their own. He died in the hospital the next morning, but not without taking some of those cowards down with him. My only desire is to be as brave both of them were that night. …That was a true boss." He finished.

Squalo quickly wiped at his eyes. "Aw look at you, getting me all emotional. Knew we shouldn't have taken out this damn book." The last part he muttered to himself.

Levi cleared his throat awkwardly. "Um, Boss?" Xanxus turned his head to him questioningly, almost daring him to say something out of line. "I just wanted to let you know that…you're the best boss that I, or any of us really, have ever had."

"Yeah," Fran spoke up. "Even though you're kind of an alcoholic and yell at us a lot, I feel like you probably wouldn't kill us in our sleep if we got on your nerves. And that's good."

Bel smiled and pat Fran on the head. "Well said, Frog."

Lussuria chuckled. "What we mean is that, though you don't always show it outright, we know you care about us in your own way. And we hope that means as much to you as it does to us." He smiled.

When Xanxus turned to Squalo expectantly, all the swordsman did was shrug and nod towards his lengthy locks of hair. "All I'm saying is, that promise wasn't made out of fear. And you know that."

The boss of the Varia simply looked around at his loyal crew after they had all said their piece. He seemed to mull over things for a moment before speaking up in his usual manner. "I didn't ask for a glory fest you hoard of losers." But he had a small smile on his face as he said it.

"Aww, we love you too, Boss." Fran said.

At that Xanxus actually let out a small chuckle, "Whatever, trash."

"Now," Squalo clapped his hands together, "Not to interrupt this session of tear jerking love confessions, but it seems like we've got a visitor."

It was then Spanner noticed the sharp eyes of the swordsman directed at him. Realizing that he was still lingering in the doorway, Spanner slapped a casual smile on his face and approached the – now acknowledged – family. Because after witnessing those precious moments of unity, there truly wasn't a better name for it.

Spanner threw out a brief wave, "Hi guys, I just needed to speak with Lussuria about something."

"Good," Squalo commented. "My eyes can get a break from that wretched jacket."

Lussuria simply did a flashy twirl, once again showcasing the neon coat to Squalo's mortified face. Then he herded Spanner out of the room with him before the swordsman could come up with a - no doubt profanity filled - reply.

Once they were a little ways down the hallway, Lussuria turned to him. "So how's construction going?" He asked excitedly.

Spanner's stomach churned at the bright expression of joy on his face. He really didn't want to be the bearer of bad news and watch that same face fall like a meteorite. But if anyone was to do it, he supposed it had to be him. It wouldn't be fair otherwise. He decided to make it quick and get it over with. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh okay, what's up?" He still had that innocent look of anticipation on his face that made Spanner wince as he forced out his next words.

"Um, about the fountain- "

"Ooh~ Have you found one!? I can't wait to see it, I bet it's going to be sooo beautiful. Did you manage to find a golden one? Oh wait! Don't tell me, I want it to be a surprise."

"Actually, um Lussuria- "

"I hope you can figure out how to feed the water into it; that always perplexed me. Like do you fill it up and let it cycle through or is it more like a drain-"

"I can't build the fountain!" There he said. It was out in the open now, and he couldn't take it back. He opened his squeezed shut eyes and looked at Lussuria just as his smile turned a bit crooked.

"Wh…What do you mean?" His voice cracked slightly as he said it.

Spanner sighed shakily. "The ballroom isn't made to hold the old floor to ceiling fountain like it had twenty years ago. It's impossible for it to hold the weight."

"Well, can't you just reinforce the foundation?" Lussuria asked hopefully.

"No, the ceiling is so high that the weight of the fountain would fall through to the floor regardless. I'm really sorry, Lussuria."

The Sun Guardian smiled sadly and nodded his head. "It's fine, it's fine. Just…I hope the rest of the ballroom is gorgeous, hm?" He playfully nudged Spanner. "Don't worry about it."

"But…" Spanner trailed off.

"You know, it's getting late. I'm going to go ahead and start on dinner." Lussuria gave him one last pat on the shoulder before departing just a tad faster than usual.

"Right." He said quietly to himself.

_**~O~**_

Much later that night, Spanner lay awake in his bed staring at the ceiling. He knew he had to do something. Anything. He didn't think he live with the thought of Lussuria walking through those double doors and gazing at the empty space where the fountain once stood. And not only would he disappoint Lussuria but the whole Varia.

He knew the moment he stepped into the living room that they each held as deep affections for the ballroom as the Sun Guardian. It was written all over their faces.

He sort of knew where they were coming from. Years ago, even before he had met Mr. Hickey, there was a park in England that his father always took him to. It was a neighborhood recreation area filled with old and young alike. He remembered that whenever the kids would laugh at him or call him weird for carrying around a calculator or copper wire or tin foil and whatever else they thought was strange, he would always retreat to a large oak tree in the center of the park. He'd climb up the branches until he reached one with the perfect view of the city and stay there for hours, just by himself. Happy.

But then they moved to Italy and everything changed for him. Most of his life turned to revolve around tinkering and fixing old electronics. Creating something new. He entered tons of competitions over the next few years and he supposed that kept him occupied. But in the back of his mind, he still recalled his solace back in that park. Whenever he got frustrated or discouraged, the reminder of the oak tree brought a sort of calm to him.

Eventually he was able to return to the small city he grew up in and revisit the park. He remembered getting out of the car and wondering if he had forgotten where it was but sure enough, after triple checking the address, he knew it was the right place. He didn't cry when he saw the new shopping plaza built over his former childhood safe haven, but something did change within him. He stopped looking at the world's beauty and instead focused on himself. Things to keep him occupied from cruel reality, even if that was just building little robots to keep him company.

Then along came Byakuran and his ideas, and he thought, _maybe this world does need a makeover, a reminder of equal cruelty to my own_. So he shrugged and took the marshmallow loving man's invitation. He didn't like to think of how long it took for Tsuna to come along and change his ideas.

Spanner paused in his thoughts. Tsuna. He forgot to call him the past few nights, but now he wondered why he hadn't. The new Vongola Boss was surprisingly wise when it came to things like these considering his young age. Maybe he would have some helpful hints on how to deal with his situation. It really was a wonder he hadn't consulted him sooner.

He turned over in his bed and looked at his cellphone sitting atop the nightstand. He knew if there was any way to change back time and save his tree, he'd do it in a heartbeat. That experience more than broke his heart, and he didn't want to see it happen to anyone else. Especially now that he knows how great of people the Varia really are, assassins or not. So a bit of an early morning call really wouldn't hurt, right?

He picked up the phone and dialed.

* * *

_Woohoo! Long chapter is up! Not much to say except I went back and did some big editing on the first chapter, annnnd I hope you all like the story so far!_

_R&amp;R! _

_Does anyone else even do that anymore?_


	7. For The Sake Of Amusement

_Yay~! Another chappie~!_

_Enjoy._

* * *

**For The Sake Of Amusement**

Tsuna had just emerged from the shower when he heard his phone ringing from across the room. He looked around cautiously before casually approaching his phone sporting naught but a bath towel. The number on the screen didn't have a contact name, but it was an Italian area code so he thought 'what the hay' it might be important. He pressed the green button and prepared for the worst. "Hello?" To his surprise, quite the courteous voice addressed him in fluent Japanese.

[Hey, how are you? Are things okay over there?] Tsuna quirked an eyebrow. "Um, they're fine. Everything's…fine."

[Okay, sorry for calling so early by the way I know you must be busy.]

Still wary of the unidentified voice, Tsuna simply hummed in reply. "Mhm."

[Well, I just wanted to get your viewpoint on a couple problems I've had…a voice of reason so to speak.]

"That's…that's fine, go ahead." Tsuna shrugged. He supposed he could be a telephone therapist to a troubled stranger.

[Alright, so…hm, how do I put this? Okay so…the fountain is a fail. It won't work, there's no hope.] He heard a sad sigh on the other line. [It's just…I told Lussuria and he's like 'Oh it's fine, don't worry about it' but I can't help but feel bad. And ugh. They were bonding and everything about it, and then I started thinking about my tree and how it's gone now, so I want to save _their_ tree. I can't just leave it uprooted. It's-It's like not replanting two trees for each acre you tear out of the dying Amazon. And I don't want to be the cause of global warming!] It sounded like the person on the other line was working their way up into a bit of a hysteric, but Tsuna couldn't offer much in the way of help seeing as he was too.

"Who…?" His voice shook as his mind continued to try to process the utter…nonsense that had come spewing from his cellphone. "Is this a prank call or something?"

The stranger seemed to have calmed themselves down a bit and now sounded as confused as Tsuna felt. [Wh-Why would I be pranking you? I just don't know what to do. It's so late at night and I'm probably a sleep deprived mess.] Another sigh. [Do you have any idea of what I should do, Vongola?]

Tsuna froze at the mention of his title. Immediately he began to rush around his bedroom and check outside his windows for hidden snipers. He didn't know what was going on. But the mysterious person on the phone was definitely more significant than he figured. And his nerves only continued to work him up. Who was this man? Why did he know who he was? And most importantly – Would he really die in nothing but a bath towel? How embarrassing…

[…Tsuna? Are you okay? Your breathing -]

"H-How do you know my name?! Who are you!?" Tsuna breathed hard. It was quiet on the other side for a few moments. Then he heard something that sounded – were they laughing? Oh, he really was going to die.

[This is Spanner.]

Several beats of silence dominated the telephone connection.

Neither party said a word as Tsuna paused in his pacing and gradually pieced things together in his – admittedly a bit slow – brain. Then the Mafia Boss broke into a fit of relieved laughter. "Oh my goodness, you have no idea how terrifying that was."

Spanner chuckled on the other line. [I can imagine. Sorry about that.]

Tsuna breathed out. "It's okay. I don't know why you're not in my contacts though."

[Yeah, that's strange. Has somebody gotten into it?]

"Hm, probably, the ten-year bazooka has been acting up lately. I bet young Lambo got to it. Evil little brat." The last part Tsuna muttered grumpily to himself. "Anyways, I hear you've been having some…problems. It isn't Xanxus, is it?" He asked nervously.

[Nah. He hasn't been giving me too much grief.]

"Really?" Tsuna asked surprised.

[Yeah, he's actually a pretty okay guy. ]

"Hm, weird. Well, what's bothering you?" Tsuna took this opportunity to begin his dressing process. You know, just to avoid the possibility of an unclothed death.

[It's the ballroom – I mean, things are progressing well enough – but this huge fountain was supposed to be the centerpiece. But apparently the room can't handle the weight and now I don't have anything significant to pull everything together. Plus, the whole Varia was looking forward to it. Like whoopee, pile on the guilt.] The mechanic said the last part sarcastically.

"Wow, that's…that sucks." Tsuna frowned as he finagled with his tie. "Can't you get a regular fountain and put it in there? You know, a small one?"

[Mm, I thought of that. It would seem so…mediocre though. Like I'm cheating them or something.]

"It could be a pretty mediocre fountain." Tsuna suggested bashfully. An exasperated sigh of despair was his only response. "Well, all I'm saying is something's better than nothing." Tsuna gathered the papers he would need for the day and headed out the door and down the ridiculously long hallway leading to his work office. "I'm sure you'll think of something, Spanner. You're the most reasonable guy I know…Not that that's particularly difficult to accomplish considering my friend group but it's something, right?"

[…I do not find this conversation as helpful as I expected.] He stated rather bluntly.

"Hey, I'm just suggesting this as an outsider looking in." Tsuna put his hands up defensively though Spanner wasn't around to witness it. "Maybe you should just let the idea come to you."

[…This really isn't helping.]

"No, I mean like do something completely unrelated to the problem at hand."

[Like sleep?] Spanner asked half-serious.

Tsuna sighed. "That too, but tomorrow instead of working on the ballroom, how about you go out and have a little fun to take your mind off of things?" Tsuna fumbled with the keys to his office over the files of paperwork in his hands.

[But wouldn't that be kind of bad? I'd be leaving the whole workload on my team - that I just hired by the way. I'm supposed to be directing things.]

"I'm sure they're capable to get things done without you." Tsuna waved it away.

[You know, I remember you being a lot more responsible, Mr. 'Voice of Reason'.]

"I am responsible." Tsuna retorted as he dumped his paperwork on his desk and quickly logged onto his computer. "I've just learned that sometimes you got to go with the flow." He opened up the Tetris application and concentrated on beating his high score. "My blood pressure would be through the roof otherwise."

[Yeah, I understand. Well, I'll definitely take your advice to heart. Hopefully I can get something figured out tomorrow morning.] Tsuna chuckled as a loud yawn clouded the connection.

"Yeah, I take it's getting pretty late over there. You go ahead and get some rest, then." He said. What he assumed to be a murmured goodnight sounded over the line before it went dead. He sighed contently. Another job well done by telephone therapist Tsuna. Maybe that should be his second profession?

Just as he wondered this, Reborn happened to pass by the door and peak in. "I hope you're not doing anything stupid, Tsuna." He asked in a deceivingly cheerful voice.

Said young man froze and plastered on a strained smile. "O-Of course not, Reborn! What makes you think something like that?" He glanced back to his computer screen where he minimized his Tetris level and brought up a half-finished report he saved for instances such as these. The hypothetical report involved several of his favorite anime characters and their figurative punishments for small crimes throughout the series.

Fortunately, to this day Reborn remained none the wiser and simply gave a scrutinizing glare to his former pupil before moving on with his day. Tsuna exhaled in relief and brought his game back up. He smirked as he quickly passed his high score.

Tsuna – 1

Reborn – 0

_**~O~**_

True to his word, when it reached the next day in Italy Spanner went straight down to the kitchen determined to find out what the Varia did for fun. (You know, besides terrorizing the general public.) He was admittedly surprised to find that rather than the elaborate breakfast like the one he witnessed the day before, he entered the kitchen to see Bel and Fran seated at the island eating matching bowls of cereal.

"What's going on in here?" He asked casually.

The resident prince spoke through a mouthful of frosted flakes. "Breakfast."

"Oh, I thought that was like 'bonding time' or something?"

Fran shook his head. "That's only on Wednesdays. We fend for ourselves every other day." He bored gestured to a line of cabinets filled to the brim with a large variety of breakfast cereal. Spanner shrugged and went for a whole grain choice promoting increased mental performance. He was choosing between several different types of milk when the Strategy Captain of the Varia entered and pulled out a blender. He turned around and inquired as he dumped some questionable ingredients into the machine. "What's that?"

The loud man simply grunted. Bel turned and snickered. "Nails and determination, right Squ~?"

This earned a growl. "Stupid brat." Then the man turned and started the blender. Spanner cringed as he heard something that sounded frighteningly similar to hardware nails being grinded. He chanced a glance from pouring his cereal to see the mixture turn a sickly brown. "It's a protein shake!" He yelled over the screeching blender. "We don't need any marshmallows in this house! We already have two as it is." He said off to the side and narrowed his eyes at the mechanic pouring two percent milk into his bowl. Squalo tilted the chunky contents into a tall glass and immediately began chugging it down.

Spanner shivered. "I-Is it good?"

The swordsman slammed the glass down and belched. Fran gagged as the scent wafted his way. "Of course it is! Here, try some!" He shoved the glass his way. Spanner's eyes widened. "Oh, no thank you. I'm good with cereal." He smiled as he tucked his bowl away from the repulsive concoction.

Seemingly determined on proving his meal's worth, Squalo whirled on Belphegor next. "Drink some, it's good for you!"

Bel snickered. "Why? So I can end up like you, gravel throat?" Squalo glared at the young man before turning to Fran.

As soon as he felt the silver gaze on him, Fran simply continued eating from his bowl and said, "I will die." The swordsman scoffed angrily and stomped to the doorway. "You're all just a bunch of pansies! I'll find somebody with sense in this stupid house." They listened to his heavy footsteps retreat and then, "Oi Boss, Try some of this!"

The kitchen's occupants widened their eyes at the implications and intently listened for a response. "Get that junk out of my face, trash." The man speaking walked into the kitchen moments later. He ignored the swordsman's griping and focused on putting some coffee on. "Shut up." He rubbed the space between his eyes as the man kept up his obscenely loud volume.

"Just…" Xanxus reached out a hand and shut his Second in Command's blabbering mouth manually. "Sh."

Squalo looked at his boss incredulously. He drew back and rolled his eyes. "Crazy SOB needs his coffee." He left the kitchen after that; just about every occupant breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well." Belphegor loudly tossed his bowl into the sink – Xanxus scrunched his nose at that – and stretched until he heard several satisfying pops. "The prince has better things to do with his time." Spanner noticed Fran preparing to exit also when he suddenly remembered what he had come to ask them. He fumbled to quietly place his bowl into the sink highly aware of Xanxus' burning red eyes trained on him as he did so.

He hurried after the retreating figures as they entered the living room. Belphegor flicked on the television and sunk onto the leather couch. Fran followed suit and lazily draped himself over a comfortable armchair. Almost instantly their eyes locked to the rude comedy displayed on the screen.

Spanner shifted in his place beside the coffee table. "So, guys, got any plans for today?"

They blinked at the screen in what he took as a response. He nodded to himself. "Right." He said under his breath. "Um, how about a day in the town? Do you guys ever…do stuff like that?"

Again he was denied a verbal response. He pouted and nearly resigned to watching the television along with them when a very interesting commercial took the place of the original program.

"_Sick of sitting on the couch and collecting dust?"_ Bel and Fran raised their eyebrows. _"Need something to get your mind off the everyday? How about a day vacation?"_ Spanner perked up at the words.

"_Well, come on down to Wario's World of Amusement! Enjoy some of the best rollercoasters in the country along with good food, games, and an award winning simulator!" _The announcer excitedly rattled off prices and the location before the commercial concluded.

Spanner's face had formed itself into a grin by the time he whipped his gaze to the other occupants of the room. Their glazed eyes slowly shifted to the beaming mechanic.

The invitation went unspoken…

**~O~**

Slathered from head to toe in sunscreen, Spanner entered the goliath theme park sandwiched between the Varia's very own Storm and Mist Guardians. His eyes gobbled in the sight of brightly colored rollercoasters lauding over the herds of people gathered in the area. He pointed to a dark purple one off the right of the entrance that swooped and looped suspended passengers. "How about we go on that one first?"

"No!" Spanner whipped around to the animated face of Belphegor. "We need codenames!"

"…What?" Spanner raised his eyebrows.

"Codenames!" He enunciated.

"No, I mean why?"

Bel frowned as if it was obvious. "Because we have to sound awesome when we're in public, plus it's fun to mess with people." Spanner's jaw dropped as Fran nodded in agreement.

He shook his head. "Okay then. I'll be-"

"Hold on there, genius, we're choosing yours." Fran stated. After this they turned away and whispered to each other conspiratorially. Every now and then they would glance over to look at him and rub their chins. Spanner chuckled at their antics and played along like he wasn't paying attention.

As they spoke, Spanner glanced over to the intricate pathway leading up to the coaster and groaned. In addition to all the walking they would have to do to get to the actual line, he noticed an unnecessarily large group of people heading to the entrance. He turned back to his companions to see that they were still conversing. He witnessed in horror as the twenty plus spring breakers sauntered into the line, laughing and drinking from questionable containers.

"Guuuys, we have to go, now."

"Hold on a second," Fran gave him a waiting finger.

"We can think of nicknames in line, we just have to goooo." He tugged on the arms of his companions desperately. Another small groups had apparently took note of his despair and were deciding to add to it by joining the line. He clawed his hands down his face. "No!" The line had about reached the sixty minute wait sign and his companions were still mulling over final picks.

An absolute eternity later, Belphegor turned around with a satisfied smile. "The final decision has been reached." He announced. He furrowed his brows when he saw that Spanner was not where they had left him. "Huh?"

"Over here." The mechanic threw an arm into the air miserably. He sat pitifully next the entrance propped up against the height scale. Belphegor excitedly skipped over to him, Fran trailing behind at a reasonable pace.

"Congratulations, from now on you are to be called….Brain!" He declared. Spanner twirled his finger in the air. "Whoop-dee-doo." He pulled himself up to stand beside them. "You did that on purpose."

"That's the spirit." Fran said sarcastically and entered the winding pathway leading to the line, which had grown significantly by the way. Spanner scurried after him. "What are you doing? The line will have us here all day. We should just find a different one to go on."

Abruptly, Fran rounded on Spanner and looked him dead in the eye. "But I want to go on this one, don't you?" He tilted his head to the side. Spanner jumped back into the laughing Belphegor, away from the suddenly terrifying teenager. Fran turned around and continued walking. "Then it's settled."

How he managed to intimidate him so while wearing a frog hat mystified him to no end. Bel offered no comfort and continued giggling at his unease as he followed Fran. Spanner shook it off and sullenly trailed after them.

It wasn't until they had walked for a relatively long time without stopping that Spanner drug himself out of his well of self-pity and looked around to gage how far they were from the front. He then realized with great shock that they were sauntering right through the line with no regard to the waiting citizens. What was even stranger was that none of them complained or even acknowledged them in the least.

"Uh, guys?" He looked forward to find Bel following Fran without a care in the world. Spanner stared at them bewilderedly and almost got his neck taken off by a wayward tree branch. But as he ducked underneath it, he caught a glimpse of Fran's glowing ring. The illusionist glanced back and, though his face remained as emotionless as ever, Spanner saw him smiling sneakily through his eyes. He smiled back and just knew that this day was going to be amazing. It had to be.

Lunatics were never boring.

_**~O~**_

Spanner felt like he was getting the hang of this. Sure he vomited after the first few, but it seemed like he had built up a little tolerance the rollercoasters. They seemed a whole lot worse than when he was a kid. He didn't remember them being so powerful and awing. Such magnificent machinery absolutely fascinated him. The bigger, faster, and majestic the ride was the more he fell in love with the park. Fran and Bel were having a pretty good time, too. Or should he say 'Royale' and 'Incognito'?

"Hey Faux Royale, it's your turn." The monotonous teen called ahead of the pair where Belphegor proudly lead the group. The young man passingly threw one of his pocketknives at the teen when he botched his name.

He put a fist to his chin and considered the wide array of rollercoasters around them. "Hmm, that one!" He pointed to a bright red and black coaster that exhibited a nauseating amount of inversions. It was also ridiculously fast.

"'The Ninja'?" Spanner said. Bel nodded manically.

Fran squinted at the structure. "It doesn't look very safe." Violent rattling reached their ears over the piercing screams of the passengers. The teen scratched his cheek. "You sure?"

Bel scoffed. "Of course, the prince doesn't go back on his word. Why? Scared, Frog?" He sneered.

Fran didn't even flinch at the challenge. "No, I just wanted confirmation before you start screaming like a little girl."

"In your dreams." Bel grinned widely. He punched the young teen in the arm and shoved him towards the entrance. Spanner could only roll his eyes. He'd grown used to the constant bickering and simply followed.

As they neared the sparse line, it came time to separate their little group of three. Bel linked his arm with Spanner's and dragged them into one line. Fran resigned to the one directly ahead of them.

"Wait a minute. I rode alone last time." Fran complained loudly.

"Yeah, you did." Bel said proudly. "No switching now though, Frog."

Spanner sighed. "There really was no point in picking out those nicknames. And why was I the only one who didn't get to choose their own?"

Bel waved him away. "Mmm." They all moved forward as the next car arrived and emptied of its whiplashed passengers. The announcer boredly rattled off the general safety instructions and the trio piled into the double cart. Spanner sat on the far side with Bel beside him and Fran directly in front of him. They waited for someone to take the empty seat beside Fran but it remained empty even when they began to close the gates.

Then suddenly a large man budged through the small crowd and forced his way through the waiting gate and into the seat beside the teen. Sweat drenched the beefy citizen's tank top that cut across an irritated sun burn. Spanner and Bel sniggered as Fran struggled against his restraints move himself further from his riding companion. The man belched deeply, "Ah, scared? Yeah, I would be too if I was your size." He guffawed and roughly jostled Fran's shoulder.

The Varia Mist Guardian calmly removed the clammy hand from his body. "I think the park would appreciate it if you didn't endanger the machines and the safety of others with your obese body mass."

The man furrowed his brows. "Huh?"

Belphegor gleefully leaned forwards to the large man. "He's saying you're fat and will kill us all. Ushishishi~."

"Guys, that's mean." Spanner said though he struggled to hide a growing grin behind his hand.

Fran turned around grouchily. "No, it's mean that he's going to drag the entire car down when we loop upside down because of the weight of his hulking fat carcass."

The cart jolted forward and the director gave them a thumbs up as they rode by. Before they entered the coaster Fran said in passing, "If they can't find my body tell them to look under the fat b-"

The woosh of the rollercoaster along with the volume of 'Royale' and 'Brain's' raucous laughter effectively blocked out the phrases issuing forth from the well versed teenager's mouth.

_**~O~**_

Okay, to be completely honest, Spanner needed at least a minor break from the rollercoasters. 'The Ninja' seriously messed him up what with intensely laughing while being whipped upside down at eighty plus kilometers per hour. Fran didn't stop shouting profanities about his riding buddy for most of the duration of the ride. And when a voice as monotonous as his shouted like that combined with the aforementioned whiplash qualities of the ride made for all kinds physical trauma.

Still, this had to be the most fun he had experienced in decades. He almost wished the other members of the Varia were there so he could see their undoubtedly hilarious approach to such a place of recreation.

Nonetheless, they had done just about every ride in the park excluding a couple kiddie rides that Bel tried unsuccessfully to convince Fran to get on. So understandably Spanner was ready for something new. Fortunately it was his turn to pick an activity.

He really wasn't in the mood for another (RIGGED) game booth. "We need to play something new. An activity that's outside of the box and screams 'You will experience nothing like it ever in life,' you know what I mean?"

Fran stared at him more blankly than usual. "Wow. That's some mad improv." He pointed behind Spanner. The mechanic turned around to behold a sign that read – I kid you not – '_Live Action Simulator: This new form of entertainment is completely outside of the box. You will experience nothing like it ever in life, guaranteed!'_

Spanner's jaw dropped. Fran courteously moved forward to manually shut it. "Thanks, Cogs."

"No problem. So I guess we're going on the simulator then, eh?" Spanner nodded. "Good. We've left the delusional prince unsupervised in public for too long." Fran, or Cogs as Spanner had taken to calling him to make use of the wasted nicknames, pointed over to where Bel stood staring down a small child eating an ice cream cone. Spanner was a hundred and seventy percent sure he planned on intimidating the preschooler into handing over his strawberry soft serve. He was also a hundred and seventy percent sure that the security guard standing roughly twelve feet away would not hesitate to shoot fifty-thousand volts of white, hot electricity into the Varian should he pose any more of a threat than he already did.

Wisely, they redirected the crazed assassin to a nearby ice cream stand.

Later after consuming their strawberry, chocolate, and mint chocolate chip frozen treats respectively, they stood in the surprisingly short line of the simulator. The line swung around the outside the building before leading into a cold hallway where they'd be assigned electronic carriages. Only two groups were ahead of them and when Spanner asked one why a new exhibit was so empty they told him that there was some kind of pie throwing contest had begun on the other side of the park.

When they sat in the carriage – any extra seats were forced to remain empty for obvious reasons – they were handed weapons to Belphegor's delight. "What are these for?" Spanner asked the disinterested attendant curiously.

He looked at Spanner tiredly and demonstrated how to shoot one of the spare laser guns. "Pew." The pimpled worker then moved to the next group. Spanner furrowed his brows. "Um, thanks."

However his attention was quickly grabbed by another feature. "Look scoreboards." Glowing red zeros stared back at them where the lasers where attached.

"Ushishi~, you're both going down." Bel stated confidently.

"That's a lot of talk coming from someone who can't even properly aim at the toilet." Fran responded.

"Psh, I was drunk."

"Suuure." Fran rolled his eyes.

"Look it's starting."

They slid forward on the tracks and into the darkness.

**~O~**

Woohoo! Spanner not only dominated two world class assassins in a firing contest, but he had the time of his mechanically inclined life doing so. The story line was fairly basic and Spanner, or any of them for that matter, didn't really pay attention. Mostly some kid had to save the world from a random alien invasion triggered supposedly by his personal webcam. According to Guadalupe or whatever his name was, they acted as a group of his friends who just happened to have deadly weapons of warfare lounging around in their basement. Extremely weird plotline, but it was fun because along with the hydraulic equipped carriage and numerous other physical effects adding to the experience, the entire setting was a 3-D computer generated world.

And when he says it was realistic, it really was.

He loved it. He not only felt that the entire day kept his mind off of his problem back at the mansion ballroom, but the technology inclined part of his brain was entirely satisfied thanks to the powerful rollercoasters and simulator.

They were walking to the parking lot where a Varia attendant waited with their car, (Mind you, all three of them were still license and/or carless.) when it hit him like a ton of concrete filled bricks. Spanner knew what to do. He knew exactly how he could save the Ball from being the biggest flop of his life. Okay, so maybe not to a T, but he had a solid idea of his plan. It should have been expected of him to think of it before, it literally was his specialty. He looked at the bickering members walking ahead of him and smiled.

_You haven't seen the best of me, I'm still working on my Masterpiece._

He couldn't wait until the Anniversary Ball.

* * *

_I really think I overdid it with the length this time guys, but at least it's sorta on time. Haha~ But yay~! A funny chapter – finally! I actually kind of got the idea of Squalo's disgusting protein shakes from SushiBomb. You should check her out!_

_The quote at the end was from Masterpiece by Jessie J which I just so happened to be listening to at themoment. Have you noticed me switching back and forth between O and ~O~ as breaks? I'm bouncing in between which is my favorite. Which one do you think is better? Honestly, I'm leaning towards ~O~._

_And guys I'm always editing, feel free to point out any cringe-worthy mistakes to me! 'Preciate it!_

_Reviews because I'm still mourning the end of Kuroko no Basuke…? :( _

_Or because this was nearly 5,000 words! Either one works for me... ;D  
_


	8. The Belle Of The Ball

_Final Chap! Sobbu~_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**The Belle Of The Ball**

Spanner straightened his tie in the mirror for the millionth time. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Tonight was the night.

So far no one had seen his project in full colors besides Tom, and he helped him work on it so that technically doesn't count.

So he was nervous. Very nervous.

He knew he shouldn't be. The Varia and most of the guests weren't expecting anything at all, so really even the smallest centerpiece would be a big deal.

But his centerpiece wasn't small.

He groaned and shook his hands out. No matter, they were going to see it whether he worried or not. Another deep breath.

Tonight was the night.

He couldn't believe that he would be leaving in the morning. Time had flown by so fast. Was it really only a week? It seemed like he had arrived just yesterday. But the bonds he created felt so genuine. So long lasting. It was as if he had known the Varia for years.

He'd never imagined he would become so comfortable with such dangerous people. Well, not exactly dangerous now that he knew.

No one at Headquarters understood these people. They weren't a bunch of murderous savages with nothing but a thirst for human blood. Not at all.

They were a family. It didn't matter what anyone else said.

The door creaked behind him, and he turned to see Mr. Hickey enter the room. "You ready?"

Spanner exhaled with an air of finality. "I…I think so." He saw his teacher smile through the mirror. The teacher walked up and swung an arm across his student's shoulders. He grinned in the mirror. "Don't worry. They'll love it."

"You sure about that?" Spanner rubbed his brow.

He laughed. "When am I not? Math is all about surety. If you don't have confidence in your own work, why would anyone else?" Spanner nervously fixed his tie again.

He smiled. "You're overthinking it, Charles."

"I know, I know. It's just…this is the best I've got." Spanner looked at his teacher. "If they don't like it…what was I even here for?"

His teacher guided him out of the bathroom and onto his bed. A half-packed suitcase sat atop it. "I never thought I'd have to give you of all people a pep talk." He chuckled in an attempt to ease his former student's nerves. He shrugged and a thoughtful expression overtook his face. He sat beside him. "Look. I'm not saying that they'll like it –"

"Okay, you literally just said they'd love it." Spanner deadpanned.

He raised his hands in defense. "Hey, math is also about duping your way through the rough spots." Spanner rolled his eyes. "What I'm trying to say is, you can put your all out there, and it's not always going to get appreciated the way you feel it should – "

Spanner put his head in his hands. "Really not helping the situation."

"But it only matters that you did your best." He finished.

The mechanic chuckled. "You really sound like a teacher right now."

"But didn't you? It was you who went and stood up to who's probably the most dangerous man on the planet and taught him to forgive and forget a twenty year grudge. I've seen the guy, and I'm guessing it wasn't the easiest thing in the world. You fix problems. That ballroom down there? It was the problem of the century. And I doubt anyone else in this building would have thought to go out and find their own team.

"You broke some pretty horrible news to a trained assassin all on your own. And you had the courage to accompany absolute maniacs to a public theme park. You've been so brave recently. Do you honestly think it was all for nothing? Because right now, I admire you more than any other so called genius on the planet."

Spanner smiled at his tutor. "Thanks. I really appreciate it." He stood up and walked to the door. "You know, you sure know a lot about the Mafia World."

He followed him over and opened the door. "Do you really think me being showing up at that audition was a _complete_ coincidence?" He winked.

Spanner's jaw dropped. "Wait a minute, so does that mean everyone on the team was associated with the mafia!?"

His teacher smiled and strode out the hallway past him. "Let's go, Charles. Wouldn't want to be late now, would we?"

Spanner dumbly followed him, expression every bit as shocked as he felt. "Even Martha!?"

The villainous laughter of his instructor echoed down the corridor.

_**~O~**_

Spanner looked around at the packed hallway. He gulped. There had to be several hundred people there at least. A whole lot more than he or anyone else had anticipated. The party was for loyal elites only, but clearly many of the invited guests had each brought along several tag-alongs. He hummed and wondered if there would be enough hors d'oeuvres to go around.

Looking down at his watch, he realized it was only a few minutes until show time. He slowly exhaled for the millionth time that night. He completely forgot about his speech. Well, maybe 'forgot' isn't the best wording. It was more like he had only been notified that he would be required to give said speech earlier the previous night.

So of course he didn't get an ounce of sleep. The entire night was spent vigorously regulating a mental checklist that included everything down to how he would blink at the audience. Even then in the hallway, the bullet points insistently whizzed around in his skull.

In case it wasn't obvious enough, Spanner wasn't a grand, ornate person by any means. He severely lacked in any sort of tactfulness and a bit of maturity. So in addition to that and his obvious social awkwardness, he didn't exactly know why they expected him to give a speech at all. For not the first time during his stay he called into doubt, 'Wasn't this Xanxus' mansion?!'

The obvious answer is yes…so why wasn't he GIVING THE WELCOME SPEECH?

Sure, the man had some serious flaws in his communication skills and general respect for his fellow human, but he probably had _some_ experience in the field of public speaking.

Spanner on the other hand? Nada.

Oh, he also cared a smidgen about his outward reflection to others unlike a certain Varia boss with – again – zero regard for his fellow human. Things would be so much easier if they put the responsibility on someone with a lesser amount of stress bearing down on their being. Like Lussuria, Squalo, Tsuna, Lambo, anybody! But, hey, what's one more straw to break the camel's back, right?

Thankfully, Lussuria told him to not worry about longevity seeing as no one in the mafia-ridden crowd would care in the slightest. (Besides maybe Nono. He was sentimental like that.) That was a relief, but he still felt he should say something special. It would reflect positively on his work. That way no one go to the center of the room and say, "Hey, not bad for some silly little mechanic, hurr hurr." He hated that. He held a respectable position in society no matter what anyone else said.

Unfortunately when the clock struck seven, Spanner's self-assurance drained in record time. He forced his body to cooperate as he dragged himself along the edge of the crowd to the front. He walked and walked along, occasionally glancing towards the lively group. He saw a grand variety of people, the young, the old, the large, the small, the natives, the foreigners, the friendly, the stern, the happy, the bored, the excited, and every other combination possible. He roughly swallowed as the sheer enormity of the gathering.

All those eyes would be on him.

A fearful laugh escaped him. What had he gotten himself into?

Eventually, he finished the lengthy walk of terror to the small platform placed in the entryway. He briefly glanced behind him at the impending doors of the ballroom. Somehow, the dark oak soothed him along with the promise of what was beyond. No matter what he said here his surprise could shock any doubt from the minds of the onlookers. He smiled at the guarantee.

Still, his legs wobbled as he stepped upon the platform. They didn't provide a podium so no sneaking peaks at a written copy. Well, at least not without looking cheap.

He roughly cleared his throat once situating himself. He gazed out over the crowd who gradually took notice of him and quieted themselves. Spanner puffed out his chest and powerfully breathed in. But before he could utter his first word, a lackey rushed onto the stage carrying a cordless microphone. He stuck it in Spanner's hand.

"O-Oh, thank you." He stammered. The servant smiled brightly at the mechanic in his hurried rush. "Best wishes." Then he flew from the stage leaving a thoughtful Spanner in his wake.

_Hm, _He pondered. _The power behind the kind words of a stranger is amazing_.

With somewhat renewed confidence, Spanner turned his attention to the crowd. He closed his eyes and exhaled for the final time. "Good evening ladies and gentlemen," He halted as his voice jumped up six octaves on the word 'gentlemen'. His face flushed hotly. "Ha..ha." He coughed before forcing a smile back onto his burning face. "S-Sorry about that…um." He blinked at the onlookers. They stared back at him expectantly. Oh dear…

He couldn't think of a worse time to be without a lollipop.

By chance he caught sight of the Varia standing near the center. While Squalo had an coercing death stare on him, Lussuria silently encouraged him to go on with a double thumbs up. That did very little to build up his nerve. However that was before he looked a little further behind the group where Xanxus stood. His scarlet eyes danced with a challenge, daring him to fail. Spanner tilted his head to the side thoughtfully.

He could work with that.

For the first time in a while, Spanner felt a competitive vigor stirring in his veins. Why not? If he could prove Xanxus wrong once, he saw no reason to do it once more before leaving. Yeah. Take his ego down a few notches in return for dumping the speech on him. So he did what anyone in his position would.

He completely threw his mental checklist out the window.

Mind cleared, Spanner put the mic to his mouth with an entirely fresh demeanor. "Let's forget the formalities and get down to why we're here. Unless you didn't notice on the invitation, today is the day we celebrate _that_ man's, " He pointed to a surprised Vongola Nono in the crowd, "Fiftieth anniversary. Needless to say that's a long time to be in business. And not just any business, but the most meticulous, challenging, downright back busting business in the whole world. The Mafia." Several eyes in the crowd widened in shock at the blatant declaration. "Come on now, everyone here knows it. In fact, thanks to my math teacher I know that everyone here is involved even."

Spanner began to casually pace around the stage, completely relaxed. "Besides, isn't this supposed to be a celebration of family, friends, and togetherness. We're all on the same side here. So why not…loosen up?" Spanner paused to laugh. "I am. Actually, a bit too much probably. Can you believe I haven't even had a drink yet? Really." The crowd chuckled appreciatively. Spanner grinned back. "No, but in all seriousness, I've never been more proud to work on a project. This man…he's done so much, even for me personally. And I'm sure if you've met him, he's done something to make you feel good too. What's amazing though, is that such a kind, compassionate man could be the fiercest enemy or the greatest ally. Don't let the warm eyes fool you."

The Ninth charmingly beamed at him from within the crowd. Spanner sighed, his mind and body finally at peace. "So I think if anyone deserves to see a glimpse into the past, it's you Nono. Let's make some memories, shall we?"

To his astonishment, generous applause greeted him at the conclusion of his speech. He jerked his head up towards the cheering crowd. He smiled disbelievingly.

He really did it.

Still shocked he looked over to where Xanxus stood, lightly smirking with eyes closed in what Spanner assumed to be credence to his skills. Then with one exhale he released the entirety of the surreal confidence that filled him as he spoke.

Now that was awesome.

He quickly got off the small platform so a few servants could push it against the wall with the help of Otto. The first person who met him was Mr. Hickey. "Now didn't I say they would love you? You did great! How did you do that?"

"No clue." Spanner shook his head. "But could you hold on a minute? I got to open some doors." Mr. Hickey smiled and waved him away. Spanner hurried over to where Otto positioned himself in front of one of the heavy double doors. His deep voice was laced with a thick German accent as he asked, "Ready to open the doors, sir?"

Spanner reached into his suit jacket and quickly pressed the button on a remote hidden deep in a pocket. He heard a satisfying click from the other side of the doors. "Now's a better time than ever." He firmly gripped the handle of the door. And with that, they pulled hard on the dark wooden doors, revealing the dazzling ballroom to the guests.

.

Lussuria and the rest of the Varia waited at the front of the crowd, all eager to see what Spanner had in store. Currently said man was making his way off the stage. Levi tched from the back of the group, "You're getting your hopes up. It won't be the same without the fountain."

Lussuria rolled his eyes. "Oh stop being a pessimist for a minute, won't you? I'm sure the rest of the ballroom will make up for it."

"Voooii, it better be." Squalo grumbled from beside him. "All the trouble I went through to organize this mess…"

Bel popped up beside them. "Don't forget the large contributions of the prince." Fran slowly popped up beside him. "Yeah, we did a lot of hard work."

"You went to the amusement park! How hard could that be?!" Squalo fumed.

"You wouldn't understand, Long Haired Commander. Our bodies had to endure a lot of turmoil to help with his mechanic's block. Lussuria shook his head amusedly as Squalo continued arguing with the delinquents. He turned around. "What do you think, Boss?"

The head of the Varia slowly blinked at the opening doors. He spoke lowly. "I think the trash better not disappoint me." Lussuria smiled at his response.

"Look guys, they're opening up the doors." He told the rest of his team excitedly. Immediately they ceased bickering and strained to better see past the lumbering entrance. The crowd began to slowly move forward. Bright streams of light widened into the dim hallway and illuminated the impatient faces of onlookers.

Shapes slowly began to take form as his shaded eyes quickly adjusted to the light. He recognized many small banquet tables littered across the room. Contrary to the artificial brightness of the entryway, most of the room was lit of natural light pouring in from the windows. Lussuria began to walk further inside to get a better look. Yes, and outside of the gorgeously sparkling windows a beautiful sunset played over the Varia garden. He gasped.

It was beautiful.

The sounds of a soft jazz orchestra reached his ears as his eyes rushed to take in the sights. From the elaborately decorated stage in the backroom to the dark polished wooden flooring to the Da Vinci styled ceiling it was all breathtaking.

That was until his eyes turned to the center of the room.

Water filled Lussuria's eyes at the sight of the enormous golden fountain sitting dead center. His mind raced with emotions as his feet led him towards the edge. He couldn't believe it. He reached forward to touch the shining water and laughed when the cool liquid soaked into his gloves.

It was real. It was really real.

Before he knew it, the rest of the Varia along with many others had gathered around the circumference of the huge fountain. He briefly heard Squalo exclaim, "Hey Xanxus call up the town, I think this lunatic stole the Trevi!" His laughter mingled in with the hearty ones of those around him while Xanxus just smiled and shook his head.

Then all of a sudden Spanner was there next to him beaming at the fruits of his labor. He turned to the martial artist. "So how do you like it?"

Lussuria choked for words. "It-It's incredible! I…I don't even…h-how did you do it? I thought it was impossible! But now, it's…" He gazed lovingly back at the fountain. "It's even better than I remembered."

Spanner patted the occupied Varian on the back. "Do me a favor and don't worry about all that. Just…enjoy the moment." They remained that way for several minutes, simply relishing in the tranquil sounds of the water.

Spanner jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Tranquil mood effectively shattered, he turned around and came face to face with none other than Tsuna in a full navy blue suit and matching tie. The young man chuckled sheepishly, "Hi Stranger."

"Huh, no kidding. It's been a long week." Spanner smiled. He followed the current Vongola boss away from the fountain and its awed onlookers.

"I bet it was." Tsuna said. "I can't believe you guys managed all this. It's amazing!"

Spanner laughed and scratched the back of his neck. "So I heard."

"Yeah, I hope you took a before and after picture."

Spanner paused. After several steps Tsuna noticed the mechanic was no longer following and backtracked. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Spanner lifted up his teary eyed face. "My life is ruined." He buried his face in his hands.

Tsuna nervously looked around for some help. "Uh, don't worry. I'm sure somebody took some pictures. M-Maybe the Varia –"

"Nobody's going to believe it really happened." Spanner dramatically sobbed.

"Um, there there." Tsuna awkwardly prodded the mechanic's shoulder in an attempt to comfort. "Ah, how about we go get some drinks? That'll definitely make you feel better."

Spanner sullenly agreed. Tsuna clapped his hands together. "Great. I'm sure they have an open bar around here somewhere…Aha!"

When they finally made it to the bar, Tsuna helped a melancholy Spanner slump himself over the granite countertop. "Do you have any wines?" He asked the bartender who nodded and moved away, but Spanner's hand shot up before the man could retreat to the drinks. "Wait, I was raised English. Give me scotch."

The bartender raised an eyebrow. Tsuna laughed nervously. "We'll just take two glasses of wine." The weirded out man nodded again and retreated.

"You're cramping my style, Vongola."

He stared at the man incredulously. "Hahaha, you sure are a character Spanner."

The slumped over man shrugged.

"Say, how _did _you get that fountain in here? I heard Lussuria say it was impossible." Tsuna said.

"Oh, you with little faith. How could you ever doubt technology?" Spanner waggled his fingers at the mafia boss.

"Hold on a minute, so it was fake?!"

Spanner giggled and shushed him with a finger to the young man's lips. Tsuna quirked an eyebrow. Spanner whispered. "It's our little secret."

Tsuna continued staring at the crazed mechanic. "You did have something to drink already, didn't you?"

The mechanic giggled again. "How do you think I gave that speech?"

Tsuna couldn't help but laugh. "Spanner you're awesome, you know that?"

"That's right, kid. And don't you forget it." They both heartily snickered at the bar deep into the night until all the guests left and the servants began cleaning up. But right before he passed out from intoxication as Tsuna had, Spanner drunkenly reached into the pocket of his suit jacket. "Almost forgot." He pointed the remote at the fountain and clicked the button causing the entire top half of the structure to disappear. "Can't be wasting electricity, now can we?"

And then he was out like the fountain lights, deep into the slumbering effects of some good scotch.

* * *

_Ayyyyyeeeee~ who would of thought, huh?_

_So that's all she wrote. I hope you enjoyed reading this even half as much as I enjoyed writing it! And look forward to the occasional one-shot because I admit I love writing Spanner._

_Thanks so much to everyone who showed their support whether that was by reviewing, favoriting, following, or just checking out my story. So if you're reading this, thank you soooo much!_

_Don't forget all them cute little moral lessons sprinkled throughout this story. Especially the one about a stranger making somebody's day. You never know!_

_Don't forget to review and tell me your final thoughts and/or questions, lots of love~!_

_Ciao~_


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